Author Archives: Van-a-gram

Obama is a Post Turtle

 

post turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.

The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘Post Turtle”. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a ‘post turtle’ was.

 
More below the fold…

3 Comments

I’m Fucking Brilliant.

Seriously, even I forget how smart I am at times.  I have found a sure-fire way to stop this whole Ebola thing.  While the CDC continues to clutch complexity from the jaws of simplicity, I give you the best possible solution:

More below the fold…

12 Comments

Here we go….BUMPED

 

It seems Texas hospital can’t cope with Ebola patient # 2 — so they are airlifting her to…….ATLANTA!  Why don’t people listen to me……

 

ebola atlanta

Now the Dallas nurse with Ebola may have passed it to her boyfriend.  Who does NOT work in the hospital.

And so it begins…..

More below the fold…

14 Comments

The hits just keep coming….

the end

Infected nurse #2 was on a commercial flight.  The day before she was diagnosed.  But I’m sure everything is fine….

The CDC has announced that the second healthcare worker diagnosed with Ebola traveled by air Oct. 13, the day before she first reported symptoms.

The CDC is now reaching out to all passengers who flew on Frontier Airlines flight 1143 Cleveland to Dallas/Fort Worth. The flight landed at 8:16 p.m. CT.

The CDC is asking all 132 passengers on the flight to call 1 800-CDC INFO (1 800 232-4636). Public health professionals will begin interviewing passengers about the flight after 1 p.m. ET.

The Butcher’s Bill is just starting to tally……

14 Comments

The Apple Hits Keep Coming….Introducing BEND

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity. Eight year olds have an iPhone, an iPod, an iPad and a MacBook. When I was 8, I felt cool with my new markers.

9 Comments

Ass, gas or grass — no one rides for free…

pot smoker

Except in Berkeley, of course.

The city of Berkeley will require medical marijuana dispensaries to give away two percent of the amount of cannabis they sell each year free to low-income patients.

“We think this is the responsible thing to do for those less fortunate in our community,” said [councilman] Moore.

Hmmmm. “Responsible thing to do”.  Let’s give poor people hallucinogenics!, they said.  What could go wrong?, they said.

Not only is legal to get high, you now have a right to get high.  Let’s review:

More below the fold…

3 Comments

Do you know this guy?

ed

He is Edward “Ed” Mezvinsky, born January 17, 1937. Then you’ll probably say, “Who is Ed Mezvinsky?”

Well, he is a former Democrat congressman who represented Iowa’s 1st congressional district in the United States House of Representatives for two terms, from 1973 to 1977.  He sat on the House Judiciary Committee that decided the fate of Richard Nixon.  He was outspoken saying that Nixon was a crook and a disgrace to politics and the nation and should be impeached.

He and the Clintons were friends and very politically intertwined for many years. Ed Mezvinsky had an affair with NBC News reporter Marjorie Sue Margolies and later married her after his wife divorced him.  In 1993, Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky, then a freshman Democrat in Congress, cast the deciding vote that got President Bill Clinton’s controversial tax package through the House of Representatives.

In March 2001, Mezvinsky was indicted and later pleaded guilty to 31 of 69 counts of bank fraud, mail fraud, and wire fraud.  Ed Mezvinsky embezzled more than $10 million dollars from people via  Ponzi schemes and the notorious Nigerian e-mail scams.

He was found guilty and sentenced to 80 months in federal prison. After serving less than five years in federal prison, he was released in April 2008 and remains on federal probation. To this day, he still owes $9.4 million in restitution to his victims.

About now you are saying, “So what!”

More below the fold…

7 Comments

This Post is Completely Racist

hump day

 

We already know that the Hump Day Camel is racist.  Well, the poor fellow just can’t catch a break there days.  Apparently, camels are the source of MERS in Saudi Arabia.

“This [the Saudi study] confirms what we have been suspecting,” said Dr. Marc Siegel, an infectious disease expert and an associate professor of medicine at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York City. “It’s been believed that the source of MERS is the camel, but has really not been proven,” until now.

“Camels are the Typhoid Mary of MERS,” he said. “It is clear, however, that camel-to-human transmission started this thing.”

I guess that’s what you get when you hump your camel……

More below the fold…

2 Comments

Legacy Building

bergdahl

1 Comment

Another American youth killed by senseless gun violence.

archieIn sad news, we learn that comic book icon Archie will die. Not just any death, but as a victim of horrific gun violence.  It doesn’t appear that he is riddled with holes, but I’m sure the phrase “assault rifle” will be used.  My comic book forensic investigation of the cover would lead me to believe it was a single shot that felled Archie, but we shall see.

Anyone care to speculate on how ole’ Archie becomes the latest statistic in the liberal left book of gun horrors?  Here’s mine below the fold:

More below the fold…

11 Comments

It’s just a matter of time….

northwestern

 BUMPED AGAIN!  Guess what unionization brings?  Well, first and foremost it means you are an “employee”.  So Northwestern football team is now considered a ‘large employer’ under Obamacare.  So what does that mean?  Well, it means Northwestern must provide maternity care to it’s all-male employee-players.  I see ticket prices going up…

 BUMPED:  They CAN unionize!  Unfuckingbelievable. 

Football is hard.  Especially when you have those rigorous academic classes– you know, the ones where you actually have to attend.  In person.  And do stuff and turn shit in.  Or not.  Those classes really  get in the way and distract from the real purpose of college which, of course, is football.

UNC and other Division I universities are just now acknowledging that the term ‘student athlete’ is really just a euphemism for “illiterate-uneducated-unmotivated mouth-breather-who can’t-read-but-can-sure-throw-a football”.  And the school doesn’t really care.  And these ‘student athletes’ don’t care, either.  After all, they aren’t paying tuition and it doesn’t really cost the school anything to provide a scholarship for kids who do not attend class or consume any academic resources.  These student-athletes have no interest in an education (academically at least) as their concern is using their college years a springboard into the pros.  Well, apparently Northwestern is teaching at least one valuable skill to these guys:

More below the fold…

19 Comments

$66 Million down the drain…..

jumpalready

 

The shoes in the photograph above represent all the suicides from people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.  46 last year and over 1500 since the bridge opened in 1937 or, on average, 20 a year.  Hundreds more are ‘talked down’ by San Francisco police.

More below the fold…

8 Comments

So you want to be a model……

stock photo

 

“Why not model for stock images?” they said.

“What could possibly go wrong?” they said.

Leave a comment

Maybe the elections don’t look so grim after all…..

aiken

 If Democrats keep running candidates like Clay Aiken and Sandra Fluke

 “It speaks volumes to the state of the N.C. Democratic Party that the primary is shaping up to be a choice between the failed Perdue Administration’s Keith Crisco, a lawyer who doesn’t even live in the district, an activist who’s own party rejected her in the last democrat primary – and Aiken, a performer whose political views more closely resemble those of San Francisco than Sanford,” spokeswoman Jessica Wood wrote in an email. “Renee best represents the values of the voters in the 2nd District and remains focused on fighting for their families.”

3 Comments

California will, no doubt, go full retard if given the opportunity….

 

UPDATE:On second thought, maybe not. That was quick.

“I am extremely moved by the outpouring of local and national support I have received since I announced that I was considering running for office. My entire career has been devoted to the public interest, whether representing victims of human trafficking or advocating for working families,” Fluke said late Tuesday night. “I am committed to continuing that fight in Sacramento, working to protect our environment, ensure our access to health care, and create the jobs that are desperately needed. While I strongly considered offering my candidacy for Congress, I feel there is a better way for me to advance the causes that are important to our community.”

“Outpouring of support” is, apparently, a euphemism for incessant ridicule from all sides.  Every time  is loon starts flapping her man-pleaser she gets deeper into the swamp of public humiliation.

fluke

 

Guess who is running for Waxman’s Congressional seat?

Please, please, please let this be serious.  I don’t know which I would enjoy more; watching the Dem’s try to ‘sort-of-support-her-but-not-really-she-may-only-make-us-look-stupid-but-we-have-to-pay-along’ routine, or watching her get eviscerated by the right every time she opens her mouth.

My only real fear is…well….my headline.

14 Comments

British Media doing what US Media won’t….

Move along.  Nothing to see.

gayray

Alternate Headline: If you fart in my face, I will smash your brains out.

But seriously, did anyone really vet candidate Obama.  At all?  Ever?

12 Comments

Whereby we discuss the Fall of America

pastafarian

At first I just thought this was silly.  Sophomoric to be precise.  But then I realized is was more symptomatic of a greater ill: Americans are stupid, and electing stupid people.  Repeatedly.

Christopher Schaeffer, a minister in the Pastafarian faith, wore a solemn face on Jan. 2 as he stood with a colander on his head and his hand raised while Town Clerk Allison Dispense administered the oath of office to join the Pomfret Town Board.

Yes, you read that correctly: Pastafarian.  His “church” is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and no, I’m not making that up.  This guy is now in charge, and the people of Pomfret, NY put him there.  Reality has been suspended and Americans now merely yawn at this sort of thing.  “Reality TV” and the likes of Miley Cyrus have dulled the American blade for any level of shock or awe (unless it is manufactured political rage).

More below the fold…

5 Comments

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum…

woman2

 

The Quad Cities Times reported yesterday that a mere 136 people in Iowa had signed up for the ACA.  This made the conversation I overheard tonight either a) entirely staged, or b) one of the most deliciously enjoyable eavesdropping moments of late.

More below the fold…

10 Comments

What? You say “564%” like its a bad thing or something….

humana

 

These guys launched a web site called “Mycancellation.com which is somewhat along the lines of the Occupy Wall Street “I am the 99%” site.  You hold your insurance cancellation notice and take a picture of yourself and post it. (I hear this is called a “screening” in Obamacare terms, but the good news is there is no co-pay for it).

I guess we should start referring to ourselves as the 1% again — the 1% that is paying for the other 99%’s premium rebates.  The poor soul above can call himself the “540 Percenters”

6 Comments

Gold Plated Train Wreck


gold-train

 

Well, this particular link has been getting its way around the intertubes today.  Want to see all the insurance offerings in all the states under VaporCare in one place?

Just take a look right here…..

There is some speculation that perhaps this info was not supposed to be on healthcare.gov site, if that makes you feel better about how they are securing your personal info.

The subsidies are going to have to be GINORMOUS to cover this.  If you live in the DC area, there are catastrophic plans that will only set your family back $6000.  Per month.  Could not find a more fitting place for this POS program to rear it’s ugly, ugly head  than in DC….

Train wreck indeed.  Expensive train wreck to boot.

26 Comments

Zero Tolerance Strikes Again

 

zero tolerance

Zero Tolerance strikes again.  

A Massachusetts high school senior was demoted from her post as captain of her school’s volleyball team and was suspended for five games after she said she gave a drunken friend a ride home from a party.

Murphy said Cox’s school, which has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to underage drinking, punished Cox despite the fact that police confirmed she hadn’t been drinking.

Once again, school’s are of the belief that their jurisdiction extends into the private “real” world just because they want it to.

Once again, school’s favor mindless zero tolerance policies in lieu of critical thinking skills.

8 Comments

Break Out the Tissues, People Have Issues…

tumblr_mukd9u092s1rb2rd1o1_250

I have been scrolling through my Facebook account this morning, and have come across a wide variety of hilarity.  I have a number of conservative friends, and a number of liberal friends on FB.  It appears the past 24 hours has been the tipping point for a number of my liberal friends with regard to Obamacare.

It’s the point in the video above where the ride gets really wobbly right before the crash — and the cold truth of knowing that some serious pain is headed your way.   My liberal friends built the unbalanced, wheeled box as an amateur  soap box derby in a Formula One environment.  They wanted to take it for a spin.  Everything looked good from the top of the hill….

Now they are staring the bumper right in the eye.  The results would be hysterical if not for the fact we are all passengers in that box.  Some of my favorite FB posts by my liberal friends:

More below the fold…

20 Comments

Uh-Oh. Shots Fired at Capitol / Officers Injured

alert11_

The U.S. Capitol is in lockdown, amid reports that shots were fired outside.

According to U.S. Capitol Police, officers are injured.

“Sirens are going off in the Capitol, and people on the Hill are being told to “shelter in place.”

UPDATE: Appears to be isolated incident of traffic stop gone wrong…..

21 Comments

Surprise! No, not really….

Just for grins, I thought I would log onto the ACA Healthcare Application page and see about getting  some of that free healthcare Obama has promised.  I was already a little pissed that I didn’t get the free car, free phone, free food, free housing, free education, free day care and  free sitting-at-home-not-working-check before I logged on this morning.  Now I am really pissed.  But I’m told this is to be the norm…

 

Look what I found at the HC Marketplace this morning:

More below the fold…

6 Comments

This Pretty Much Says It All…

1236677_10200512750797827_2020883981_n

5 Comments