Author Archives: Van-a-gram

This should thin the herd of the colossally stupid……

This is perhaps the dumbest new product ever developed.  This cell phone case is in the shape of a gun and sticks out of your pocket.  What fun!

cellgun

 

Cops are going to love this.  “Siri?  How long before the first person is shot with one of these….?”

Wait until someone with a real gun pulls on them and they are left holding……a 8 megapixel camera.  At least they can get their death on tape….

Next up: The Portable Travel Alarm that conveniently fits in your carry on bag

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Hulk Smash!

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RIP James Garner

James Garner joined the crowd invisible today.

Best James Garner scene ever.

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No One Murdered Because of This Picture

nobody killed

 

WASHINGTON—Following the publication of the image above, in which the most cherished figures from multiple religious faiths were depicted engaging in a lascivious sex act of considerable depravity, no one was murdered, beaten, or had their lives threatened, sources reported Thursday. The image of the Hebrew prophet Moses high-fiving Jesus Christ as both are having their erect penises vigorously masturbated by Ganesha, all while the Hindu deity anally penetrates Buddha with his fist, reportedly went online at 6:45 p.m. EDT, after which not a single bomb threat was made against the organization responsible, nor did the person who created the cartoon go home fearing for his life in any way. Though some members of the Jewish, Christian, Hindu, and Buddhist faiths were reportedly offended by the image, sources confirmed that upon seeing it, they simply shook their heads, rolled their eyes, and continued on with their day.”

You can check out the entire image here if you like, courtesy of The Onion.

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One Ringey Dingey…..Two Ringey Dingey….

 

Cargo

Iranian forces have reportedly fired at and seized a US cargo ship with 34 sailors on board, according to Saudi Arabian state TV.

The vessel has been directed to the Iranian port of Bandar Abbas on the southern coast, Al-Arabiya has reported.

Uh-oh. This won’t end well. That annoying 3 a.m. phone is ringing. Again. But will anyone in the White House answer this time…….?

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$15.00 Can’t Fix Stupid

bad choices

 

This “Living Wage” / $15 per hour demand really drives me nuts. And I am yet to see a reporter call any of them out on the real issue.   I have this dialogue with my daughters all the time.  I keep the mantra simple so that it hopefully soaks in:

I cannot guarantee your success, but will do everything in my power to provide you with the tools you need to be successful.  The rest is up to you. I can, however, absolutely guarantee that you will have a much harder, much more stressful and much more difficult life if you

  1. Drop out of school
  2. Get pregnant young and/or out of wedlock
  3. Become addicted to drugs or alcohol
  4. Be convicted of a serious crime.

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Another one bites the dust….

Harry Reid, Chuck Schumer, Patty Murray

Good Riddance.  Harry Reid not seeking re-election.  Go figure.

On the verge of losing his own election and after losing the majority, Senator Harry Reid has decided to hang up his rusty spurs,” National Republican Senatorial Committee Director Ward Baker said

 

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BUMPED: Wednesday’s Whodunnit!

Link here.

The Islamic State claimed responsibility Thursday for an attack on a popular museum in Tunisia that left 23 people dead a day earlier, according to an audio recording posted online.

MYSTERY SOLVED!

clue

In what will also be called by the MSM “a mostly peaceful art protest”, “someone” shot up a museum full of tourists in Tunis.  But nobody knows who or the motivation behind the attack.  Local officials are perplexed.

I used to live in Las Vegas but never a big gambler so let me ask: What do you think the over-under is on the terrorists being “radical Islamist”?  The culprits?  We have no idea what their motivation was.  It’s a mystery.

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The man on the left is sad because the man on the right died.

nimoy

 

RIP Leonard Nimoy.

 

Live Long & Prosper.

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How many times do you get Kafkatrapped?

trap

This is an excellent read.  The Cliff’s Notes version below:

Five versions of Kafkatrapping–a form of argument that is so fallacious and manipulative that those subjected to it are entitled to reject it based entirely on the form of the argument, without reference to whatever particular sin or thoughtcrime is being alleged:

1. “Your refusal to acknowledge that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…} confirms that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}.”

2.“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have benefited from the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} behavior of others in the system.”

3.“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have a privileged position in the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} system.”

4.“Skepticism about any particular anecdotal account of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression,…}, or any attempt to deny that the particular anecdote implies a systemic problem in which you are one of the guilty parties, is itself sufficient to establish your guilt.”

5. “Your insistence on applying rational skepticism in evaluating assertions of pervasive {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia, oppression…} itself demonstrates that you are {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…}.”

Panchreston: an argument from which anything can be deduced because it is not falsifiable.

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Wilbur Weeps

wilbur

I originally thought this article was from The Onion; it’s not.  Does anyone else get the feeling that the curve to societal stupidity is tightening?

The largest university press in the world has warned its authors not to mention pigs or pork in their books to avoid offending Muslims and Jews.

Oxford University Press (OUP) explained that their books must take into consideration other cultures of the world and must avoid mentioning pigs or “anything else which could be perceived as pork,” the International Business Times reported.

Now all references to pigs and pork must be stricken from the written word lest we offend Muslims.  I say this specifically because the article cites “Muslims and Jews” as the potentially offended, but the Jewish community says that’s ridiculous:

A spokesperson for the Jewish Leadership Council said, “Jewish law prohibits eating pork, not the mention of the word, or the animal from which it derives,” The Times reported.

So, as everyone already knows, this is simple Muslim Appeasement.  And from the largest university press in the world.  Why don’t we just cut to the chase and unilaterally convert everyone to Islam so that we can longer worry about offending their delicate sensibilities — we’re headed down that path already.

Meanwhile, at Vanagram’s Hall of Justice, we will be holding the annual PORK FEST (now the Charlie Hebdo Memorial Pork Fest) early this year, and with double the bacon, ribs, pork chops, sausage and roasts.  With lots of alcohol and naked women. And will use napkins with pictures of Mohammed on them.

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Frosty is Fucked

snowman explodes

 

Frosty the Snowman is a threat to Islam.  He must be destroyed.

A prominent Saudi Arabian cleric has caused a stir by declaring the building of snowmen as anti-Islamic.“It is not permitted to make a statue out of snow, even by way of play and fun,” Sheikh Munajjid said.  “It (building snowmen) is imitating the infidels, it promotes lustiness and eroticism,another user wrote. “May God preserve the scholars, for they enjoy sharp vision and recognize matters that even Satan does not think about.”

How fragile your belief system must be if drawing a picture or building a snowman is such an affront that you must be punished or killed.

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Too Soon?

french terror alertts

Overheard: “France declared war on Al Qaeda yesterday. Thank God — someone needed to teach the terrorists how to surrender.”

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The Reason for the Season

On the way to work this morning, a local radio station reported on a “Christmas Poll”. The poll asked people, “What is purpose of Christmas?”

The results were more disappointing than even I expected….

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The Red Hour is Coming.

There will be violence in Ferguson. Period. They could announce that Wilson has been found guilty of 1st degree murder and sentenced to death — there will still be violence. These thugs have been gearing up for the Ferguson announcement like it was Christmas Day, and they will not be deprived.

The media has hyped this past the point of no return. The thugs view ‘Announcement Day’ as a green light for “justified” lawlessness and violence.  They have classified destruction and violence as “protesting an injustice” so all is OK.

The thugs in Ferguson are eerily similar to the hard core preppers.  The most extreme of the survivalist set actually want to see society crumble into ruins.  They are not preparing in case that happens; they are preparing in the hopes of it happening.  Same with the Ferguson Thugs.  They don’t give a damn about the verdict– they can hardly contain their excitement over being able to cut loose and ravage the city.  Announcement Day is just an opportunity to do what they really want to do everyday — destroy their community, fire weapons, steal, kill, rape, vandalize and all that goes with it.

This is no longer even about Michael Brown.  Or the police.  Or race.  The Red Hour is coming.

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Hey Ebola — If you can make it there, you’ll make it anywhere…

eboladoc

This is decidedly not good.

A doctor who treated Ebola patients in West Africa has been rushed to a New York City hospital with symptoms of the virus.

Dr Craig Spencer, 33, who returned to the U.S. ten days ago from Guinea, was admitted to Bellevue Hospital on Thursday.

The doctor was taken to the hospital from his home in Harlem after developing an 103F fever and nausea.

I wonder how many people he has come in contact with int he past 10 days.  Any guesses?  In NYC — maybe only a couple dozen.

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If you can’t run with the Big Dawgs, you better stay on the porch….

mcm

 

As MadBrad noted in his post earlier today, October 23rd is a day to remember the Marines. It is also the day that the Revo’s BrunDawg leaves for Washington D.C. to participate in the 2014 Marine Corps Marathon this weekend.

BrunDawg has a son serving as an active duty Marine in the Marine Security Forces at King’s Bay.  BrunDawg is running and raising funds for the organization “MarineParents” , a non-profit support group for Marine’s and their families.

Help me wish BrunDawg courage, stamina and strength as he runs his first marathon, raising money for a great cause!

I will remain comfortably on the porch….

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Obama is a Post Turtle

 

post turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.

The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘Post Turtle”. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a ‘post turtle’ was.

 
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I’m Fucking Brilliant.

Seriously, even I forget how smart I am at times.  I have found a sure-fire way to stop this whole Ebola thing.  While the CDC continues to clutch complexity from the jaws of simplicity, I give you the best possible solution:

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Here we go….BUMPED

 

It seems Texas hospital can’t cope with Ebola patient # 2 — so they are airlifting her to…….ATLANTA!  Why don’t people listen to me……

 

ebola atlanta

Now the Dallas nurse with Ebola may have passed it to her boyfriend.  Who does NOT work in the hospital.

And so it begins…..

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The hits just keep coming….

the end

Infected nurse #2 was on a commercial flight.  The day before she was diagnosed.  But I’m sure everything is fine….

The CDC has announced that the second healthcare worker diagnosed with Ebola traveled by air Oct. 13, the day before she first reported symptoms.

The CDC is now reaching out to all passengers who flew on Frontier Airlines flight 1143 Cleveland to Dallas/Fort Worth. The flight landed at 8:16 p.m. CT.

The CDC is asking all 132 passengers on the flight to call 1 800-CDC INFO (1 800 232-4636). Public health professionals will begin interviewing passengers about the flight after 1 p.m. ET.

The Butcher’s Bill is just starting to tally……

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The Apple Hits Keep Coming….Introducing BEND

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity. Eight year olds have an iPhone, an iPod, an iPad and a MacBook. When I was 8, I felt cool with my new markers.

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Ass, gas or grass — no one rides for free…

pot smoker

Except in Berkeley, of course.

The city of Berkeley will require medical marijuana dispensaries to give away two percent of the amount of cannabis they sell each year free to low-income patients.

“We think this is the responsible thing to do for those less fortunate in our community,” said [councilman] Moore.

Hmmmm. “Responsible thing to do”.  Let’s give poor people hallucinogenics!, they said.  What could go wrong?, they said.

Not only is legal to get high, you now have a right to get high.  Let’s review:

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Do you know this guy?

ed

He is Edward “Ed” Mezvinsky, born January 17, 1937. Then you’ll probably say, “Who is Ed Mezvinsky?”

Well, he is a former Democrat congressman who represented Iowa’s 1st congressional district in the United States House of Representatives for two terms, from 1973 to 1977.  He sat on the House Judiciary Committee that decided the fate of Richard Nixon.  He was outspoken saying that Nixon was a crook and a disgrace to politics and the nation and should be impeached.

He and the Clintons were friends and very politically intertwined for many years. Ed Mezvinsky had an affair with NBC News reporter Marjorie Sue Margolies and later married her after his wife divorced him.  In 1993, Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky, then a freshman Democrat in Congress, cast the deciding vote that got President Bill Clinton’s controversial tax package through the House of Representatives.

In March 2001, Mezvinsky was indicted and later pleaded guilty to 31 of 69 counts of bank fraud, mail fraud, and wire fraud.  Ed Mezvinsky embezzled more than $10 million dollars from people via  Ponzi schemes and the notorious Nigerian e-mail scams.

He was found guilty and sentenced to 80 months in federal prison. After serving less than five years in federal prison, he was released in April 2008 and remains on federal probation. To this day, he still owes $9.4 million in restitution to his victims.

About now you are saying, “So what!”

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This Post is Completely Racist

hump day

 

We already know that the Hump Day Camel is racist.  Well, the poor fellow just can’t catch a break there days.  Apparently, camels are the source of MERS in Saudi Arabia.

“This [the Saudi study] confirms what we have been suspecting,” said Dr. Marc Siegel, an infectious disease expert and an associate professor of medicine at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York City. “It’s been believed that the source of MERS is the camel, but has really not been proven,” until now.

“Camels are the Typhoid Mary of MERS,” he said. “It is clear, however, that camel-to-human transmission started this thing.”

I guess that’s what you get when you hump your camel……

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