On Monday morning, Secretary of State John Kerry made the rhetorical statement that the only way to prevent President Obama from personally delivering a Superfly Splash to Syria was for the desert nation to give all its chemical weapons to the international community. Kerry was joking and was just trying to make the point that President Obama is the Superfly Snuka of the Executive Branch when it comes to delivering staggering blows to tyrants, despots, and other villains of wrestling. It was a throw-away line intended for consumption by a group of British elected aristocrats at a breakfast where hard liquor was served.
But, not everybody laughed. In fact, some people saw an opening and went for it.
Putin’s government put an offer to the Syrians to the effect that if the Syrian government hands over “all” (wink, wink) of its chemical weapons to an internationally trusted ally like Russia (wink, wink) then the whole furor would be extinguished and nobody would have to bomb anybody. The Syrians pretended like it was a great idea and latched onto it. The UN, knowing that Obama has realized that they are as useless as a pork roast at Hanukkah, also joined the bandwagon.
So, by brunch, John Kerry’s off-the-cuff (i.e. out-his-ass) remark has dramatically changed the landscape of the Syrian conflict. In addition to the turd sandwich that Obama’s been pushing to the world as reason to bomb Syria, now he has to sell it while the Syrians, Russians, and UN put on a dog and pony show about how the whole thing can be resolved peacefully. Of course, if you believe that the Syrians will give up their chemical weapons, and you also believe that the Russians won’t just hand them right back the moment nobody is looking, then you, sir, are a fucking retard.
The great irony of this is that it may actually sort of work. True, the chances that the Syrians will give up all their chemical weapons to an “international” force are roughly the same chances that Obama would turn Malia and Sasha over to Miley Cyrus’s roadies. But, the Syrians can hem and haw and negotiate and even make a public showing of thinking about it, buying them time. Meanwhile, Obama can crow that such a consideration wouldn’t even be possible if he hadn’t made his mighty roar and gnashed his terrible teeth.
In the end, nothing of substance will come of it, but that’s par for the course for Obama and probably the best outcome America can hope for with him as President.