Chicago to increase hiring of stupid cops
January 6, 2010
The Chicago police department has determined that not enough stupid police officers have been hired in recent years. Because of this, they are now considering scrapping the department’s entrance exam. The CPD is under pressure to higher more stupid candidates and advocates for the stupid are threatening legal challenges if they do not comply. Additionally, federal funds are at risk if the department does not hire more stupid and/or incompetent police officers.
Dropping the exam would bolster hiring of the stupid and avert legal battles, according to one source, while others confirm that the exam could be scrapped to open the process to as many dumb people as possible.
In order to receive federal funds, the CPD must hire a certain number of applicants who are too stupid to pass the entrance exam. The CPD is currently operating at 2,000 officers-a-day short of its authorized strength. Police hired only 46 officers this year, with plans to hire less than 100 next year. Unless the exam is scrapped, it is unlikely that federally mandated hiring goals can be met.
Roy Ryder :
Date: January 6, 2010
I am moving to Chicago and taking up a life of crime. I will be able to avoid capture by law enforcement personnel by leaving behind shiny objects to distract them. If I am actually confronted by an officer of the law, I’ll start singing the Batman theme from the 60s and they will be so entertained that I can make my escape.
Jim 22 :
Date: January 6, 2010
Chicago is turning the ‘Boys in blue’ into the three stooges.
Seriously, Chicago’s finest have never been too fine. Corruption in the second city rivals corruption in Mexico City.
Find a copy of ‘The Lincoln park pirates’ from Steve Goodman – the guy who wrote ‘City of New Orleans’.
Chicago has a reputation that can only be understood by learning from the people of Chicago.
My wife came from there. She says that they have always been a joke.
With a little work they will have a force like Washington D.C..
James :
Date: January 6, 2010
“But the city’s Department of Human Resources didn’t deny it.”
Maybe applicants to the personnel dept. need a hiring exam.
Locke n Load :
Date: January 6, 2010
For those of you that haven’t lived there, perhaps this seems an anomaly. In fact, entrance exams are mostly unimportant. Want a job with the city? Better ask an alderman…
BrunDawg :
Date: January 7, 2010
Typical multiple choice question on the exam.
You feel threatened by a 14 year old male running away from you so you shoot him in the back killing him. Which story best describes your next steps;
A. Confirm with your partner that the victim/perp was actually charging your partner with a knife so you were forced to shoot. Don’t forget to plant a knife. Fill out forms GSW1222 and CPO543. They are long forms so order pizza delivered to the station.
B. Check the perp for any drugs that your kids could sell at school, load him into the squad car, call dispatch and ask for the next 911 call reporting gunfire. Plant the now-victim at the site of a “real” crime. Fill out form SBV902 and file under Stray Bullet Victim. Call the Tribune and report the unfortunate loss of a model citizen. Remember to use the phrase “handguns are against the law in Chicago”.
C. You were firing a warning shot, cleaning and/or sighting your weapon when it went off, or “that’s not my gun/bullet” defense. No paperwork is necessary. Go to Guido’s for gazpacho.
D. You realize you have made a gross error in judgment. Go to the trunk, get the 9 with no serial number, shoot your partner and plant the gun on the perp. Fill out form SMP43, file under Shot My Partner, make sure your paid leave is on direct deposit and call your travel agent.