Bman’s Guide For Women And VD

Valentine’s Day has become a day built exclusively around women.  A month or so before February 14th, men are bombarded by advertisements for chocolates, jewelry, flowers and so forth.  The men are expected to come through and dazzle their sweetie with a gift and affection.  Of course, and all men know this tidbit of info;  the more expensive the gift, the more affection he will receive.  I mean, give your hunny a diamond necklace and she will pretty much have to…..you know.  “That is the only thing he really cares about,” say some ladies, probably.  But not true for the most part.   Valentine’s Day is a very stressful time for males in making this day special.  Anything to calm our nerves is much appreciated.  Just saying.  It would also help us for you to know what would make our Valentine’s Day special as well.  To help our female readers lift the stress on their mates, I present a guide exclusively for females simply titled: Bman’s Guide For VD Valentime’s Valentine’s Day. 

1) Do not give us a card with a meaningful, heartfelt message inside.  This gives us the most stress.  As a rule of thumb, guys don’t like receiving cards and especially don’t like picking them out.  It’s so difficult for us to find the right message for you that someone else wrote.  I mean, how can someone else possibly know how we feel about you?  Absurd if you ask me.   Cards don’t last in the males possession for longer than 8 minutes anyway,( unless it’s a  card with a nurse or a librarian on the cover.  Men do appreciate women in the health care and education fields). 

2) Cologne isn’t a good gift.  Men are generally pretty content with their natural scent.  There is a wide range of these scents depending on the male and what they have just recently eaten.  Cologne isn’t a gift for the man anyway; it’s a gift for you.  It makes us think you do not like how we smell naturally.  I’ve alway thought Lava or Life Buoy had a good scent to them and figured most anyone would enjoy smelling the aroma.  Cologne also makes us feel that you are marking your territory.

3) Before going out on the town for a nice dinner, make sure you compliment the man in your life on how well he is dressed for the occasion.  If you see something you do not approve, be discreet to correct it and be sure to include a compliment before correction, (Oh Hunny!  I love how you wear those rainbow suspenders!  You have such class and style!  Just think how much better they would look  under this sweater, though!)  Side note:  ignore any mustard stains on a shirt.  It’s hard to spot a yellow hue in dimly lit restaurants anyway. 

4) Do not text an ex boyfriend, “Happy V-D!”  This creates instant panic and a forces a call to Public Health.

5) Nothing shows romance more than beer, especially if it’s a 7-pack.  Giving the gift of beer truly means that you love us and want to make us happy.  Romance in men doesn’t come naturally, remember that.  We weren’t programmed for it.  Deal with it.  That is exactly why beer was invented by a female probably.  Want romance on Valentine’s Day?  Then we must have beer.   Sit back and watch the romance pour out of us in a reasonably short amount of time.

6) Please understand that men can’t possibly remember all the important dates on a calender.  Occasionally, it will happen when a man simply forgets Valentine’s Day.  Just remember that it doesn’t mean he doesn’t  love you.  The timing of the date of Valentine’s Day isn’t an ideal one sandwiched between the Superbowl and President’s Day.  It is easy to see how it can be forgotten.  Plus, Groundhogs Day is also in February.  Give the guy some slack if he forgets.  With all of the holidays in February, one is sure to be forgotten from time to time. 

So ladies, I hope this helps.  Following these steps will ensure a memorable and stress-free Valentine’s Day.

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14 Responses to Bman’s Guide For Women And VD

  1. JenR says:

    How about this – we don’t even celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s a made up holiday. My husband’s friends are very jealous that I’m fine with this arrangement. :)

  2. Bman says:

    Good enough. But do you still think you could find it in your kind heart to bring us some beer at least?

  3. JenR says:

    Probably not, unless it’s root beer. Remember, I’m LDS. :-)

  4. RUDE JUDE says:

    Very well said Bman! Although the only rule I do usually break is number one. But I always put some of my own loving sentiment along with the writer of the card. Beer is always in the fridge so at least I’m all set just in case I should forget such a holiday. I write all important items on a large calendar on my fridge and I seem to be the only one that pays any attention to it anyway. But after 24 plus years of wedded bliss, I AM having a very happy Valentine’s Day!

  5. sortahwitte says:

    This year, my wife bought the card I gave to her. Is that thoughtful or what? I took her to Paris (France not Texas) about 10 years ago on Valentine’s Day and I have been skating on solid ice ever since. This summer will be our 44th anniversary.

  6. RUDE JUDE says:

    Wow sorta!!! NICE!

  7. AW Mens says:

    For Valentines Day I renewed my wife’s fishing license online and in the process removed 10 pounds from the weight category.
    She swooned with delight.
    My gal enjoys simple gifts.
    I sure do love that girl!

  8. RUDE JUDE says:

    Can ANYONE top AW?? That’s the best gift I’ve ever heard of!! I love to fish.

  9. sortahwitte says:

    I can’t top that. Way cool, AW.

  10. Bman says:

    JenR :
    Date: February 14, 2012

    “Probably not, unless it’s root beer. Remember, I’m LDS.”

    I’m going to tell you something right now, Jen: Never bring a Mormon fishing with you. They will drink all your beer when you are not looking :)

    As for receiving V-D gifts, one of the best I’ve ever gotten was one of thoes Tide Stain Remover To-Go pens from an ex girlfriend. I’m very easy to shop for.

  11. TN-Cat says:

    In a way, I’m a lucky man. My wife hates the “Hallmark” holidays; Valentines and Sweetest Day.

    She only expects to be treated that way everyday of the year.

  12. MadBrad says:

    Cologne isn’t a good gift. Men are generally pretty content with their natural scent.

    It was at this point that I realized that I DID NOT have a Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer in my hand and that immediate corrective action was required.

    Cards don’t last in the males possession for longer than 8 minutes anyway,( unless it’s a card with a nurse or a librarian on the cover. Men do appreciate women in the health care and education fields).

    Sir, I will have you know that I have in my possession at this time, a Valentines Day Card that I received Twenty Years ago on this date, signed “Nasty Julie”.

    You see, not all PBR drinkers are the same. I am a Scorpio born in the Year of the Dragon, as well as an avid Prince fan. I know that Love Letters are something you NEVER throw away… even if the cost of keeping them is hiding them well for many, many years to be discovered only upon the Death of the recipient.

    Stray panties however, must NEVER be kept past the date of your marital engagement. If not you may forget where you hid them but it will be exactly where they are discovered many years later and no reasonable explanation will be able to save you because even the Truth is damning.

    That’s the best I can do for a valid contribution to this discussion.

  13. BaconNeggs says:

    >>I mean, give your hunny a diamond necklace and she will pretty much have to…..you know. “That is the only thing he really cares about,” say some ladies, probably. But not true for the most part. Valentine’s Day is a very stressful time for males in making this day special. <<

    Daaamn, the perfect Valentines gift!

    I agree that every day is Christmas Day and St.Valetines Day.

    But, it is helpful that St. Valetines Day falls in February the coldest month of the year in the northern climes. So being ever thoughful (cold hands/warm heart/winter) I have always thought the multi-purpose hand warmer all guys come naturally equipped with, is probably the best gift a man can give.

    It definately warms her hands and heart and that "burning hunk of love" does leave a bigger smile than any diamond.

    Then again, the size of the "diamond", probably matters. Hahaha!

  14. notamobster says:

    BNE: :-)

    Bman:

    I established with the wife at the start of our relationship that I despise celebrating a holiday because some commercial interest tells me that I have to. ;-)

    Today, my wife (who brings me home-cooked dinner every night) brought me dinner……. with a card and a Teddy Bear. :-(

    I took her out last weekend, Like I do every week, so she can live with it.

    I show my amazing woman that I love her all the time (by working 60-70 hrs a week and still finding time to take her out).

    As to the post: brilliant! Super-funny. I was lucky enough to convince her to not expect this crap.

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