2013 promises tough times ahead. Good thing I have this going for me….

I have stumbled across an intriguing business opportunity, and want the opinions of my fellow Revoistas as to whether this is a particularly good idea, or perhaps a bad one.  I was presented this opportunity in a confidential and exclusive manner, so forgive me if  certain specifics have been left out, but I do not believe more detail than what is already provided would be particularly germane to your evaluation.  I provide the following for your consideration:

Dearest Mr. Vanagram:

I was astronished [sic] by my friends kinswoman after I detected that she earns over ten,000 USA bucks per month.  This was terribly weird on behalf of me at that point.  However once she told Pine Tree State concerning the procedure, however she makes such sensible quantity, I became sizzly.  Currently I additionally earn over 9500 USA bucks per month.  The fact is of such great impotence [sic] that actions of the wealthy.  Yes! Do earning over ten,000 USA bucks per month come at you?  For more details, please contact me.”

Outside of the fact that the opportunity apparently may induce impotence and requires some sort of ‘procedure’, I remain intrigued.  More than intrigued, actually — I’m down right sizzly!  But I also must remain cautious, and I think a reference call into his friend’s kinswomen is in order — you know, to verify the ten,000 figure and the sensible quantity.  “Sensible” is, after all, a bit subjective.  I also want to make sure we’re talking actual “bucks” here, not some strange currency or denomination that artificially inflates the real opportunity.

On a related but separate front, I recently received a request for assistance that I am also evaluating.  Being the Holidays, I certainly want to help those in need, but don’t want to be a sucker.  I don’t think I CURRENTLY possess the resources necessary to assist this fellow, but perhaps someone here can?  If so, drop me a note and I’ll hook you up……


“If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!  My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!!  I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

  • Travel back in time.
  • Rewind my life including my age back to 4.
  • Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back.

I am in very great danger and need this immediately! I am aware that there are many types of time travel, and that humans do not do well through certain types. I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist.

I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that. If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided.

Also if you are one of the very few beings with the ability to edit the universe PLEASE REPLY!!! Only if you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to:


Please do not reply if your an evil alien!



Decisions, decisions.  I mean a fully paid trip including meals and hotel is compelling, as is the reference of “top dollar” compensation, but I simply do not have the necessary equipment right now.  I mean I have it — just not on-hand at the moment.  My gear is pretty sophisticated but I need to check a couple things.  Time travel? Yep.  Rewind life to age 4? Yep.  Retain memory after transport? Got that, too (the necessary software was an additional option but well worth the expenditure).  But a full temporal reversion is no easy task.  Is this guy serious?  As the preppers on the Revo know, if you fuck up the temporal reversion process, you can do quite a bit of damage including, as our friend here acknowledges, destruction of the entire universe.  That had better pay “top dollar” as promised, and I mean “bucks”, baby.


Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to 2013 promises tough times ahead. Good thing I have this going for me….

  1. R.D. Walker says:

    WTF? I already responded to the time travel guy next week! I can’t believe the douche is asking for a second temporal rewind.

    BTW: “Hotel stay” means “Airport Days Inn.”

  2. rj says:

    🙂 thanks Van… I needed that

  3. Rockheim says:

    Seems legit to me..

  4. Van-a-gram says:

    Actually, its the “Teleport Days Inn”; I just made reservations for last Friday.

  5. Bman says:

    I don’t know Vam. I would procede with extreme caution. I do know a guy in Nigeria who is legit. In another month, I should have twenty,000 bucks. I was supposed to get it back in August, but the guy needed another five,000 bucks to finalize the deal.

  6. R.D. Walker says:

    Within total experiences by allies which are cohort with mine, I also am to perceive largish USbucks when am been exerting described maneuver. I suggest be for always sanctioned directly.

    Lastingly, RD

  7. jacksonsdad says:

    Put on your thinkin’ cap!

  8. Van-a-gram says:

    My work spam filter does a pretty good job, at home not so much. Having just returned from Mexico, I think I logged on to an errant wifi site. I do not think I will respond to any of these as methinks they may be advertisements for Viagra or something….


    But the all time winner is: “LouiseFuckstickBouffant”.

    That has class.

  9. R.D. Walker says:


    French, isn’t it?

  10. slinger says:

    It’s a trap!

  11. messup says:

    HAAA! HAH! What a scream! Had to catch my breath. “Louisefuckstickbouffant” LOL.

    Yeah! Inventive chinese, with their faltering economy are also trolling for “those Americans: We Own their debt, they work for us!”

    Same ‘ol, same ‘ol…but van-a-grams post is the best. A scream,HAH.

  12. sortahwitte says:

    I’m hurt.

    Louise was my best friend in high school.
    She and her sister Ima.

  13. Lerxst says:

    All your base are belong to us.

  14. eastofthepecos says:

    He had me at sizzly.

    How much do I write the check for?