He Shall Count to Three and only to Three and the Number of the Counting Shall be Three.

Can we agree that, in general, school administers have collectively lost their fucking minds?  This chap is getting suspended.  You see, he violated the school’s zero tolerance policy regarding weapons.  Would you like to know what the policy prohibits?

The school has a list of ‘absolutes’ that states no weapons, even if they’re imaginary.

You see, Alex Watkins was out to save the world at recess and in the process of doing so, threw an imaginary hand grenade.  Yes, you read that correctly: Imaginary.  But he didn’t get an imaginary suspension — he got removed from school on a weapons violation.

I remember way back when schools used to encourage imagination and imaginative play.  When sticks were guns, the back yard was the African jungle and your Labrador was the fierce lion trophy you sought.

Now, you will get suspended for your stick gun, the Enviro-Nazi’s will tell you that stomping through Mother  Gaia is environmentally criminal, PETA will subpoena you for stalking the dog.

And we wonder why kids are all fucked up.

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12 Responses to He Shall Count to Three and only to Three and the Number of the Counting Shall be Three.

  1. RUDE JUDE says:

    OK, so WTF are the kids that age supposed to do at recess??? Sit on their hands and moan chants to each other while the unionized teachers stay indoors smoking crack all day?

  2. Van-a-gram says:

    No, no, no Rude Jude; the teachers are inside sleeping with their students. It’s all the rage these days. Geez, get with the program already.

    • RUDE JUDE says:

      Please excuse my oversight there Van. Little did I know the new norm for those pesky union teachers. This whole thing just makes me crazy. There just no words to describe the insanity.

  3. Matt says:

    So, the drawings of people with heads cut off, limbs missing and bleeding profusely that I regularly submitted in elementary school art class . . . not okay?

  4. notamobster says:

    my son got caught on the bus with one of my copenhagen cans that he’d filled with .22 rounds. His bus driver never even told me.

    Some of these administrators have gone retarded.

  5. TN-Cat says:

    Back in elementary school, when I was bored, I would draw cartoons in my school book of stick figures shooting each other.

    Can you imagine being caught doing that today? The kid would be locked up in a pediatrics psycho ward.

  6. James says:

    This is inculcation at an early age to conform.
    Training not to resist.

  7. Danger Boy says:

    Total lucany….
    Reminds me of Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall….
    “If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding, how can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!”

  8. xenicalman says:

    I remember when my teacher taught us about banana skin transmissions for garlic under a bridge 3 dogs too many while I wash my feet.
    And guns are bad?

  9. vanagram says:

    Flowers are Red
    by Harry Chapin

    The little boy went first day of school
    He got some crayons and started to draw
    He put colors all over the paper
    For colors was what he saw
    And the teacher said.. What you doin’ young man
    I’m paintin’ flowers he said
    She said… It’s not the time for art young man
    And anyway flowers are green and red
    There’s a time for everything young man
    And a way it should be done
    You’ve got to show concern for everyone else
    For you’re not the only one

    And she said…
    Flowers are red young man
    Green leaves are green
    There’s no need to see flowers any other way
    Than they way they always have been seen

    But the little boy said…
    There are so many colors in the rainbow
    So many colors in the morning sun
    So many colors in the flower and I see every one

    Well the teacher said.. You’re sassy
    There’s ways that things should be
    And you’ll paint flowers the way they are
    So repeat after me…..

    And she said…
    Flowers are red young man
    Green leaves are green
    There’s no need to see flowers any other way
    Than they way they always have been seen

    But the little boy said…
    There are so many colors in the rainbow
    So many colors in the morning sun
    So many colors in the flower and I see every one

    The teacher put him in a corner
    She said.. It’s for your own good..
    And you won’t come out ’til you get it right
    And are responding like you should
    Well finally he got lonely
    Frightened thoughts filled his head
    And he went up to the teacher
    And this is what he said.. and he said

    Flowers are red, green leaves are green
    There’s no need to see flowers any other way
    Than the way they always have been seen

    Time went by like it always does
    And they moved to another town
    And the little boy went to another school
    And this is what he found
    The teacher there was smilin’
    She said…Painting should be fun
    And there are so many colors in a flower
    So let’s use every one

    But that little boy painted flowers
    In neat rows of green and red
    And when the teacher asked him why
    This is what he said.. and he said

    Flowers are red, green leaves are green
    There’s no need to see flowers any other way
    Than the way they always have been seen.

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