Off Topic

I notice that people want to make some off topic comments. That doesn’t bother me but let’s create a spot called “Off Topic.” If you have something to say on a topic that we haven’t posted on, say it here. If you feel like posting a little graffiti, that’s okay too.

If this works, maybe we will make it permanent.

64 Responses to Off Topic

  1. R.D. Walker says:

    Okay, I am first. You may have noticed this on the banner at the top of the page. Now you know. Let’s see what happens.

  2. MadBrad says:

    Are those wooden shoes he’s wearing?

  3. R.D. Walker says:

    That is what I thought too: “How strange, he’s wearing wooden shoes.”

  4. MadBrad says:

    Okay, so he’s Dutch. Fuzzy antlers… He’s coming up on Octoberfest. He’s getting ready for the All-Nude Dutch Umpah Band Review. The Deer are just hanging out. He must be good.

  5. notamobster says:

    off topic? I knew a SSgt ***** while in the service who regaled us with his explanation of the best way to fuck a sheep. Off topic……..I know – He said you put a couple of em in the back of the pick-up and get in with em. You drop trough (trow?) sounds like cow) and grab em by the hips. The closer you get to the edge the more they’ll push back against you………

    don’t blame me…….I swear on everything holy I had this conversation!

  6. R.D. Walker says:

    See? Nota, this Off Topic gig is the perfect place for drunk blogging.

  7. notamobster says:

    I like drunk blogging… until I reveal myself as a carpetbagging, tea-bagging, redneck with no sense of propriety.

  8. Bman says:

    It’s not safe to play a Selmer-380 Concert Tuba while standing, especially in wooden shoes and not wearing a helmet. It’s much safer to play a suzephone in such situations.

  9. notamobster says:

    That shit made me burst out with drunken laughter! Somehow he doesn’t look out of place.

  10. notamobster says:

    That’s not fair! Why’s the stick figure so well-endowed? He doesn’t even have hands!

  11. R.D. Walker says:

    Man’s penis freed from metal pipe with industrial grinder

    A man who got his penis stuck in a steel pipe had to be cut free by firefighters using a metal grinder, after doctors in casualty could not free his genitals from their metal trap.

    Medics at Southampton General Hospital struggled to get the man’s penis out of the stainless steel pipe, because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become erect.

    Instead, they resorted called in Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service.

    The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis, after he presented himself at the hospital’s Accident & Emergency department on Tuesday morning. He was said to be ‘quite concerned and anxious’.

  12. Bman says:

    Well, another major earthquake, this time in Chile. A direct result of the failed Copenhagen summit….

  13. R.D. Walker says:

    I suggest we begin the international movement to end anthropogenic plate tectonics.

  14. MadBrad says:

    I have been watching the most boring Tsunami ever, streaming live on Fox.

  15. MadBrad says:

    The first episode of “The Driveway Cooking Show” is being videotaped at this moment.

  16. MadBrad says:

    By the way, the best Firearm Lubricant I have found EVER, is made by Tetra Gun. If the gentleman with the pipe stuck to his penis had known about Tetra Gun he wouldn’t have found himself in that predickamint. Check out Tetra Gun at the next Gun Show. The U.S. Coast Guard uses it on all their weapons and I can certainly see why that is.

  17. R.D. Walker says:

    Okay, I was going to leave this alone. It is just childish and petty to post it. Then I thought about George Bush Sr. puking in Japan and how they ran that on a constant loop and felt that I had to run it. So here it is. The President of the United States of America on live television all over the inhabited universe picking his nose.

    I am actually glad he didn’t eat it.

  18. MadBrad says:


  19. Locke n Load says:

    Spent last 5 days driving thru mountains and not ONCE did I see a naked wooden shoe wearing guy serenading his reindeer lovers with a tuba. Must be a Dutch phenom.. Road hazards in Canadian Rockies usually look more like this…
    Jasper Park, BC

    See? No Tuba.

  20. notamobster says:

    So – I just went to dinner. Sitting at a table were my (democrat) waitress friend and her kids. They were eating a free dinner at her workplace (no issue with that).

    One of her kids (who “deserve to have insurance” out of my pocket) was about 7 years old………. 120 lbs. I’m not kidding. The other was taller and almost as fat.

    What those kids deserve is Jenny Craig! They were up refilling their drinks at the pop machine at least a dozen times between em. One was eating a philly steak and the other a meatball sub. Mom said: “fatty’s aren’t they?”. I had to eat 2 of the meatballs off of his so he doesn’t over do it.

    I tried to give these little demotards in training a piece of manly reassurance by saying: “You taking care of your mama, boys?”

    The short one ignored me, because he was captivated by the tv. I stepped in front of him and demanded his attention. I said: “you better be taking care of your mama, Boy. You understand me?” He replied with “yes, Sir” ……. so I guess there may be hope for these little fatbody’s, after all.

  21. R.D. Walker says:

    For the first time in human history, poverty causes obesity. Poverty ain’t what it used to be.

  22. MadBrad says:

    This is by far the worst movie ever made…

  23. Bman says:

    I play the ukulele (don’t laugh). But watching guys like this play makes me want to hang it up. This guy is the shit. Really, give it a listen

  24. R.D. Walker says:

    Remember. The state is always right.

    SWAT team breaks into home, fires seven rounds at family’s pit bull and corgi (?!) as a seven-year-old looks on.

    They found a “small amount” of marijuana, enough for a misdemeanor charge. The parents were then charged with child endangerment.

    So smoking pot = “child endangerment.” Storming a home with guns, then firing bullets into the family pets as a child looks on = necessary police procedures to ensure everyone’s safety.

    Just so we’re clear.

  25. notamobster says:

    6.5″ barrel length and completely legal (if you pay for the tax stamp…check state laws) for $702…. This is made by the same company (Serbu) that makes the .50 on the back of the shirt in the other post (“when all else fails… Vote from the roof tops”).

  26. R.D. Walker says:

    Now correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that little number illegal for non-FFL holders in all 50 states?

    • notamobster says:

      NFA stands for the National Firearms Act, which was passed by Congress in 1934. The NFA provides for the registration and tax of certain types of weapons: machine guns, silencers, short-barreled rifles, sawed-off shotguns and gadget guns (which are considered to be AOWs- Any Other Weapon).

      Obviously, the BFG-50 rifle is NOT an NFA weapon, though there are bills in Congress working to change that). The popular story is that the NFA was passed to help curb the violence of the “Roaring ’20s”, brought about mostly because of Prohibition. Anyone who knows anything about the way our Federal Government works will realize that with the ending of Prohibition in 1933, something had to be done with all those Treasury agents, and enforcing a new batch of bogus laws was just the ticket. The $200 tax levied by the NFA ($5 for AOWs) was, in 1934, an incredibly large sum. Now it’s mostly an annoyance. The bottom line is that yes, you can buy a machine gun, silencer, or other similarly evil weapon (that’s a joke, of course…evil is not a trait which objects can possess), provided that you live in a state which allows them. You’ll have to jump through a few hoops and pay the tax, but at least you can still buy this stuff. So here is a step-by step guide for buying an NFA item from Serbu Firearms, Inc.:

      Full auto firearms are also registered under the National Firearms Act of 1934, however, the ironically named Firearms Owners Protection Act of 1986 prohibited the civilian registration of full-auto firearms made since that date – which is why we can’t offer these fun toys for sale.

      Make sure the item you want is legal in your state. Some states ban all NFA weapons, some ban just certain types.

      (courtesy of Serbu)

  27. BaconNeggs says:

    Didnt realise there was an off Topic area, but now that I know I am going off the off Topic and back to the earlier post with the baseball hat pisser, forbidden to piss standing but approved to piss seated.

    Where was this sign posted guys?

    Gotta say there is less “spray and pray” when seated, but its a bit girlie.

    However, however, …in my book its allowed for the middle of the night, when you dont want to wake anyone with your impression of Niagra Falls at 3am.

  28. R.D. Walker says:

    Global warming alarmism kills.

    A seven-month-old baby girl survived three days alone with a bullet in her chest beside the bodies of her parents and toddler brother.

    Argentines Francisco Lotero, 56, and Miriam Coletti, 23, shot their children before killing themselves after making an apparent suicide pact over fears about global warming.

    Their son Francisco, two, died instantly after being hit in the back.

    But their unnamed daughter cheated death after the bullet from her dad’s handgun missed her vital organs.

    Paramedics rushed her to hospital covered in blood when police alerted by worried neighbours discovered the massacre three days later.

    The youngster is recovering in hospital in the town of Goya in the northern Argentine province of Corrientes, where doctors say she is out of danger.

    Her parents said they feared the effects of global warming in a suicide note discovered by police.

  29. R.D. Walker says:

    I don’t know where the sign was BaconNeggs, but I am glad to see that it is a registered trademark. It is important to protect marks and other intellectual property.

  30. MadBrad says:

    Hey B&E…

    She came back? Nice. I remember how it was for you when she left.

    So, did she get the opportunity to meet the new girlfriend yet?

    DO tell!

    (Helpful hint – If you are worried about the Niagra Falls sound effect at 3am…


  31. notamobster says:

    “Last week due to record snow fall Washington DC shut down every federal office. Every city office closed for ten day, but a group of men who understand duty saw to it that they did not abandon their charge.”

    Nice one RD! Needs a post of it’s own….. it’s not off topic at all.

    Brad – no wonder you’re single! (I might piss in her sink, but I wouldn’t write it where she might see it)

  32. Locke n Load says:

    RD, that Honor Guard bit was…damnit. I don’t have words. You military guys just blow my mind. Honor indeed.

  33. Locke n Load says:

    Hey now Nota, what the hell is wrong with pissin in a sink? I mean if nobody catches ya its a no harm no foul situation, no?
    Of course the wife doesn’t think so. Found out the hard way. Better than peein in the backyard bushes after a full on drinking contest with the father in law tho…apparently bushes are a ‘woon’t let you forget for a week’ no-no.
    The things marriage teaches ya, sheesh.

    • notamobster says:

      Ooooh, Mr. “I have my first kid”……………. you’ll learn. The longer you let your kids live – the more protective your wife will become. “I can’t believe you’d piss in the sink your kids brush their teeth in.”

      “well, I never thought of it that way” …….. ” I just knew that it hangs over the edge of this ‘bowl’ …”

  34. Locke n Load says:

    First? lol, Nota, that was my 3rd 🙂 6,5, and 6 weeks now. And I never piss in the upsairs sink…well, not THEIRS,lol. And only if the crazy father in law has me drinkin that damned Chinese booze. Damn that stuff can put a load of hurt on ya.

    Incidentally, this is her, bout 4 weeks.

  35. notamobster says:

    holy shit…. you still piss in your (adult) sink? My kids don’t even use their bathroom. Hell, they all sleep in my bed (not the 15 year old)…….. kids are great……. (long slow sigh…)

    just kidding. The rats are the best thing to ever happen to me!!!! I can no longer piss in any sink (by sheer coincidence, I’m guessing it would hang over the edge of this hotel room sink).

  36. Locke n Load says:

    Funny thing about being away a lot and being married to a chinese girl…when I get back I’m King o’ the Abode. My wife only gives me grief because it gives her a chance to mess w/me 🙂

  37. Locke n Load says:

    While we’re on the topic of lettin loose in odd places…

    Washington Man Electrocuted by Urinating on Power Line

    What do you think the last think that went through his mind was as he saw the sparks?

  38. Locke n Load says:

    Well, I finally found a hybrid I’d drive… I’d have to sell my house to get it but that seems like such a small sacrifice to save the world.

  39. BaconNeggs says:

    >>She came back? Nice. I remember how it was for you when she left.<<

    Nah, wasnt refering to "her" althought she did come back with her lawyer, I'll be damned if she wasnt set on turning me into a pauper.

    No Madbrad I was refering to a couple encounters I had with some "wild ponies" who ran away leaving me broken hearted.

    After a while they came back to where the grass was green and sweet. Hell I rode dem broncin ponies all the way up to 7.9 and jumped off and headed off into the sunset.

    That made them real mad at me. In fact one threatened to slash my tyres and burn my house down.

    Hell hath no fury…

  40. BaconNeggs says:

    I though about posting a couple stories from the British Daily Mail. The first was about cash for clunker UK Government style which have driven up the price of new and used cars by 30%.

    Another was related to an August 2009 photo of Polar bears on melting ice, just released this week as a tear jerker.

    But in the end I figured non of this is really a surprise to any of us.

    So I have decided a link to a photo of Hillary and her new best friend in Argentina comparing penis size.

  41. Bman says:

    im totally against pissing in sinks…i prefer the bathtub. I dont have to stand on my tipee-toes that way. A good way to lose a girlfriend is to piss on her TV in the middle of the night, piss drunk (so to speak), thinking it was a window. God Bless you Mary Jo….

  42. R.D. Walker says:

    We recently discovered that my four year old son was pissing down the heat and cooling vent in his room. He figured it was closer than the toilet and, what the heck, it was a hole in the floor so why not?

  43. Locke n Load says:

    I can see the hose in the window now, all the while yer little boy is begging you to let him play with it in the house!

    Bathtubs make too damned much noise Bman, ya ALWAYS get caught with that awkward “WTF are you doing?” glare..

  44. Bman says:

    Not true LnL…if you aim the stream towards one of the rounded corners of the tub, it makes no noise at all. Plus with the slope of the corner, it significantly reduces the spray effect, thus eliminating hitting a shampoo bottle, or in your case, a kids bathtub toy.

  45. Bman says:

    RD, perfectly logical. Makes sense to me. If you see a hole, piss in it….well, that is until you reach puberty.

  46. notamobster says:

    LnL – beautiful baby, by the way.

  47. R.D. Walker says:

    Holy Mother of God!

    Chimps with guns!!!

  48. Locke n Load says:

    ROFLMAO, where do I find a copy of that mag?! And may I ask, what in the hell were you punching into google that got THAT response? Or is this another of your photoshop tricks…

  49. R.D. Walker says:

    I just saw it in a Google image search and saved it. I don’t even remember what I was searching for. I just remember thinking: “Wow. Chimps with guns!”

    • R.D. Walker says:

      There you go Nota… typical unflooded summertime Iowa. It is a great place to live but I wouldn’t want to visit here. Not much for a tourist to do…. Click to enlarge.

  50. R.D. Walker says:

    You won’t want to miss this. It is an entertainment extravaganza!

  51. Nobody says:

    I think it loses something in translation.

  52. BaconNeggs says:

    Trololololololololo, Trololololololololo, Trololololololololo, Trololololololololo…

    I think I even heard a little yeehaw in there. Very catchy, perfect for the shower, think I’ll steal this for my repetiore.


  53. Locke n Load says:

    Ok, as long as we’re on a bizarre video jag, here’s one of my all time favs. Hey, I think it may be even more frightening that RD’s Chimps with Guns! Kudos to Mom who reminded me of it.

    I give you…COWS WITH GUNS!!

  54. Locke n Load says:

    OMG Rd, that video, on its own, might explain the impulse to flee Russia in the cold war days. Communism is awful, yes, but that video?? What gulag produced it and did any survive the onslaught?
    Where do you FIND that shit? Damnit, I can’t get that damned song out of my head!

  55. notamobster says:

    You know what’s crazy… your city, under 10 feet of water — looks more appealing than Detroit or New Orleans.

  56. BaconNeggs says:

    Headlines in British Daily Mail…

    Millions donated by British public to help Ethiopian famine victims ‘was used by warlords to buy weapons’

    Of the £63million that flowed into the country in 1985, it is claimed that just 5% was spent on famine relief, with the rest going on weapons and attempts to overthrow the government.

    Read more:

    Of the £63million that flowed into the country in 1985, it is claimed that just 5% was spent on famine relief, with the rest going on weapons and attempts to overthrow the government.

    Read more:

  57. Bman says:

    Ive always like reading Ray Bradbury