Off Topic

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48 Responses to Off Topic

  1. notamobster says:

    “Sorry, Junior – but mama just had one too many slipd of the tongue… day, you’ll understand.”

    “This is how we do “massacre”, here in Texas!”

    “Son, this is what happens when congress oversteps their bounds!”


    on a non-smartass front : who is that, and why is he so happy to see meat being ground?

  2. notamobster says:

    Okay – I looked up “woman” on wikipedia… the specimen they showed, with her hair-lip, snaggletooth, and overweight body, somehow left me feeling less than pleased. Does everything on wikipedia have to be liberal?

    check it out. Ouch.

  3. Jim22 says:

    Two things you don’t want to see made: Sausage and laws.

  4. Locke n Load says:

    Oh hey, thanks Nota. While I wouldn’t say she was overweight she did have a decidedly ‘hairy armpit’ look to her. But hey, she’s a modern gal. You call tell of course because she’s got a full brazilian goin on. Unlike the guy. Thats one dude who’s never going to face his family again…

  5. notamobster says:

    From “Shit my dad says”:

    “No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist.”

    Something that I came up with:

    “I’m an opti-pessimist. I believe the glass to be half-full, but only because some asshole drank the other half!”

  6. R.D. Walker says:

    Real life Bruce Lee.

    The video above is actually a representation of how I would react to a “tickle fight” or even the suggestion of a tickle fight from Eric Massa.

  7. sortahwitte says:

    Reminds me of the parties we had when I was a kid back in the 50s. All the aunts, uncles, and cousins would get together to process our deer harvest. After jacklighting, uh what I meant to say was harvesting, 3 or 4 deer, we would all work into the night to process our winter’s protein. They still don’t have deer sausage at Walmart. Bastards.

  8. R.D. Walker says:

    Hey, I Photoshopped my ’69 Impala last night. Who needs reality when you have Photoshop? Click to enlarge.

  9. RUDE JUDE says:

    Mine was a 1970 Impala. My car hardly looked that good, but I sure did when I had it.

  10. R.D. Walker says:

    Jude, that car was my father’s baby. He had it since I was a kid and I am 46 years old. It was never his main car and he took good care of it. Now it is mine.

    I did the Photoshop to make the old man a calender.

  11. RUDE JUDE says:

    That’s cool R.D. You seem to be the type that has a good relationship with your Father. 46 huh? I am 49 going on the big 50. Hubby on the other hand is still 44. He’s a Ford mechanic and gets those types of calendars from the tool guys every year. Yes, he IS allowed to display them. He’s married, not dead!

  12. BaconNeggs says:

    Wow just looking at the guy taking on what looks like four guys and knocking them down, very impressive.

    Nice to see a nice old fashioned fisticuff end without serious hurt or injury. Unfortuanately in these times, a knife or some other weapon soon makes an appearance and then all hell really break loose.

    I guess more guys are going to be practicing their “stick and move” routine after seeing the devastion this guy brung.

    Like the “Hot” 69 Impala calender, what ya trying to do give the ole man a heart-attack.

  13. BaconNeggs says:

    The late comedian George Carlin said some nutty lefty things at times, but this is a home run…

    A Modern Man.

    “I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
    I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

    Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I’ve got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

    I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

    I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

    But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing– a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.

    I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the “F” word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore–no soft porn.

    I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

    I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in, there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and out!”
    — George Carlin

  14. Bman says:

    Ok, this is kinda fun. Baseball season is right around the corner. If you are familiar with Casey At The Bat, you will like this.

  15. R.D. Walker says:

    Obamacare isn’t in the bag yet. On Meet the Press this morning, Majority Whip Rep. James Clyburn was asked: “as of this morning do you have the votes that you need?” He replied: “No, we don’t have them as of this morning, but we’ve been working this thing all weekend.”

  16. Air Force Brat says:

    It’ll be interesting to see what happens IF they ram this thing through, given VA’s gov. promise to sign their “no thanks” into law, and something like 33 or 34 other states already with similar legislation in the works. Good luck with that one, O-Buttma!

    I can’t help being proud of my own state, where our House recently passed a resolution much like VA’s by a huge margin, and it’s been sent to the Appropriations Committee for engrossment and passing on to the Senate. Even if our Democrap governor vetoes it, the legislature is almost certain to override the veto, just like they did with our Tenth Amendment resolution last year.

  17. R.D. Walker says:

    I continue to work on my dad’s calender pin up for his shop featuring the car he had for 30 years.

    Mrs. Walker didn’t approve of the girl above. Didn’t say why, just said she is gross. Here is a new version with a model approved by Mrs. Walker.

    Click to enlarge.


  18. Jim22 says:

    My money is with Mrs. Walker. The most recent pinup looks like she came from a ’60’s calendar. Pretty.

    The previous girl looks too ’90’s. The sneakers and sports bra make her look like she’d be sweaty. The partially spread legs make her look like a chippie.

  19. Locke n Load says:

    Thats gonna be a damn nice calendar RD. I don’t know why you can’t mix the girls decades tho. The car is timeless, just ask the mexifornians and their little chiquitas riding shotgun 🙂

  20. Locke n Load says:

    I’m goin back to play with the kids, maybe build that damned workbench. THIS however I had to share,lol. 6 yr old daughter found it and I haven’t stopped laughing. Enjoy. or hate me for showing it to you, either way I’m still on

  21. R.D. Walker says:

    MadBrad celebrates his 12th birthday.

  22. R.D. Walker says:

    It might have happened this way.

    Epic Beard Man Animation – Watch more Funny Videos

  23. Locke n Load says:

    Damn, brad was a player early on, hmmm

  24. Locke n Load says:

    OMG RD, nice! however I dont think my 6yr old will be watching…

  25. MadBrad says:

    The difference between Europeans and Americans

    We know that the French have a saddistic streak. Based on history I believe it is safe to say that most of Europe has a saddistic streak. A French Game Show illustrates how Hitler was able to operate so effectively.

  26. MadBrad says:

    Thank you for bringing me back to this thread. Tunnel vision has kept my gaze focused elsewhere. I’ve been missing out here.

  27. MadBrad says:

    A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

    Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

    Tourist: $5.00
    Broiled Missionary: $10.00
    Fried Explorer: ;$15.00
    Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

    The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a high price difference for the Politicians?”

    The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”

  28. Bman says:

    So Jane was walking in the jungle when she came across Tarzan, fucking a knothole in a tree.

    “Tarzan! What are you doing?!?” she yelled.

    “Tarzan pleasuring self,” he said.

    Jane lifts up her loincloth, points down and say, “Tarzan, you dont have to fuck trees. This is for you! This is yours!”

    Tarzan removes himself from the tree, stands infront of Jane, and then kicks her squarely in the crotch.

    In agonizing pain and rolling on the ground, Jane gasps, “Tarzan! Why did you do that?!?”

    Tarzan replies, “Tarzan check hole for bees.”

  29. Bman says:

    Watching our country being transformed into something that will be unrecognizable is really getting me down. It’s times like this is when I need a laugh the most. This is one of thoes clips that does it for me. Hopefully you all may enjoy it as much as I do.

  30. R.D. Walker says:

    Okay, you got a wife who does stuff like this…

    Sandra Bullock has admitted a Valentine’s Day mishap when she managed to burn her pubic hair.

    The Blind Side actress, married to motorcycle enthusiast Jesse James, recently said she was horrified when her special Valentine’s Day grooming efforts went wrong.

    Bullock explained: ‘I decided for Valentine’s Day I would do a special hair thing. I wanted to try to create a pink heart shape with my lower hair. It was painful.

    Who looks like this.

    And you do this…

    Sandra Bullock’s husband, Jesse James, carried on a months-long affair while she was off working on The Blind Side in Austin. Tattoo model Michelle McGee claims to have met Jesse when she wanted to model for his West Coast Choppers.

    With this?


    By the way, the Nazi chick was, apparently, raised Amish!

  31. MadBrad says:

    RD, I have several answers, all of them correct.

    1 – He didn’t realize that he was talking to God whan he made all those promises in front of witnesses.

    2 – No matter how good looking any woman is, SOMEBODY is tired of her shit.

    3 – Genesis 3:15

    4 – Another symptom as described in Deuteronomy Chapter 28 verses 15 through 68 coming to pass.

  32. notamobster says:

    wow Brad – good call on the verses…. I was just gonna say that he’s a dishonorable piece of shit!

  33. R.D. Walker says:

    My point on the pubic hair thing was to point out evidence that she is attitudinally correct as well as beautiful, talented and the object of admiration of millions of men. Seems like the tatoo scrunt is about as far a fall as James could make short of getting on Nancy Pelosi.

  34. MadBrad says:

    I’m sure that the Tatted Temptress has a few skills that Nancy doesn’t put into play. I cut Jesse no slack though. If I was able to survive my second marriage with my vows intact with women like Tatty throwing themselves at me on a daily basis, ANYONE can do it.

    Money fucks people up. People with little money learn to trust God to provide for them and knowing that he does makes them FAR less likely to betray him, their promises to him or his Commandments. People who come from nowhere and then get into the cash heavy can have a tendency to become conditioned to believe that it was only their hard work and talent that gave them the life they have, so they decide to do whatever THEY want with that life thinking that they have only themselves to answer to.

  35. Locke n Load says:

    I’ve always liked Sandra, and she’s no leftie loon either. This James guy sounds like a damned troll.

    Btw, I had no idea the Amish had a Venice Beach colony. Interesting indeed.

  36. Bman says:

    Let’s see…Sandra Bullock or Amish Ink….hmmmm…Yea, Im thinking with Sandra one would have less chance to acquire hepatitis. So my answer would be A) Sandra

  37. MadBrad says:

    Correct. Inky looks like she’s never made potato salad in her life, so she’s pretty much useless.

  38. R.D. Walker says:

    I bet she shucked corn and cracked beans as a kid though.

  39. MadBrad says:

    Hmmm… you have a point. I wonder if whe worked herself up to pot roast before she left the colony.

  40. R.D. Walker says:

    I don’t think it much matters Brad. I have a vague sense – call it a gut feeling – that she no longer lives the values of her Amish upbringing.

  41. MadBrad says:

    True, and I really don’t care to school this one. I’ve put too many others through Bitch School as it is.

  42. Bman says:

    She doesn’t live the values of her Amish upbring…Everyone knows that true Amish don’t wear Victoria Secret undergarments

  43. Locke n Load says:

    Ya know what I like about Montana? The poker machines are better payouts than most all of Nevada. $90 got me $850 tonight. 3rd time in a row the last few times I’ve stopped in here and pulled maximum payouts from a machine. Viva Montana, lol.
    Sure makes this flu I’ve got seem a litle less annoying!

  44. Greg says:

    This is both some funny shit and again, sad shit as well. JJ is a dumb ass, but then, what is his roots? He got lucky or what? So, he slips off and hops aboard a whore and will now pay for his stupidity.

    The telling story is… the skank sold him out too for fame! She is hitting it big time now. So, reap what you sow.

    I liked the verses Genesis and Deuteronomy… excellent.

    Peace! Big Sunday Vote, eh? Well F them all… I am sure they will bribe their way to a percieved victory, but it is amazing how long and hard it has been thus far for them and the boy king to get his big socialist agenda started.

  45. slaphappypap says:

    My grandfather always told me to stay away from women who run the controls on a tilt-a-whirl. And women who have more tattoos than a biker.

  46. notamobster says:

    Yeah, Pap – your grandpa sounds like a wise man. Any woman who can enjoy that much pain, is nothing but trouble.

  47. BaconNeggs says:

    I try hard not to follow all the celebrity gar-barge, and yet somewhere in my subconcious…

    I seem to recall, Bullock stole Jesse James away from a woman who bore his child/children and later went to court to deny the natural mother custody of those children.

    May be there was something that I am not aware of why this woman lost custody of her child.children to Biker Jesse and Bullock, but I think Sandra Bullock is pretty low to deny another woman the right to raise her own child/children, pretty f—ing low.

    So Jesse James is back to riding skanks, well Sandra, what goes around, comes around.

  48. Bman says:

    Sometimes, a person just needs a pep talk to get back into action. As conservatives, we need to have this kind of fight in us…