Off Topic

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54 Responses to Off Topic

  1. MadBrad says:

    This isn’t funny. Okay, I laughed anyway. It isn’t often when a man gets run over by a dog in a pickup truck…

  2. jacksonsdad says:

    Being a goofy grease monkey myself I understand the need to check for leaks with the vehicle running after working on it. I also understand how someone may be inclined to leave the door open as they may have been trying not to touch any more than necessary with greasy hands.

    Those things in mind…the first thing I thought was “If he had put it in Park it would not have happened”. Then I thought “Maybe it was a manual transmission” but quickly cast that silly thought aside as everybody knows that Bulldogs can’t drive a stick.

    So then I’m back to thinking about what would have been different if the dude had just put the damn truck in Park and then it dawns on me….. NOTHING would have been different. It’s a well known fact that Bulldogs are a stubborn breed….a couple of notches on a shifter would not have deterred him.

    Then… a moment of clarity…

    If you ever find yourself having been run over by your own truck with your own dog behind the wheel, it’s best not to think about all the WHAT IF’S because… included in that list will have to be “WHAT IF HE DID IT ON PURPOSE?” and…. no man wants to think those kinds of thoughts about his best friend.

  3. Van-a-gram says:

    My dog (read: my 11 yr old daughter’s dog) would certainly run me over if given the opportunity.

    The feeling is mutual.

    Given that I am behind the wheel much more than than that fucking fat, garbage eating, counter surfing, sofa humping, garage-peeing, lawn-shitting, midnight barking excuse for ‘mans best friend’, I am suprised it hasn’t been converted into canine cold patch on the driveway by now.

  4. BrunDawg says:

    Related to the Off-Topic photo, a couple of lines from an article in today’s Daily Herald (neighbor of Cook County);

    Beyond race, attendees agreed schools must take a more active role in realizing teenagers are having sex. That active role includes having vending machines or avenues where teens can purchase condoms at school, said Janice Hill, who spoke on behalf of the multiracial group she teamed with for the brainstorming session.
    Racism can be a contributing factor in explaining why black babies die more frequently than any other race in Kane County, health care professionals said Wednesday.
    All participants accepted racism as a contributing factor in that it’s an actual, physical stressor that could result in premature delivery and low birth weights for babies with even the most successful black parents. That fact was demonstrated in a video detailing recent research at Chicago’s Children’s Memorial Hospital.

  5. MadBrad says:

    Coming soon to The Real Revo…

    “Mad Brad has a dream date with Aileen Wuornos and lives to tell the tale”.

    This past weekend I came very close to death or at the very least a fate possibly worse than death. The lessons are still being digested, refined and prepared for the public. I got the living shit scared out of me and the story is too good not to share.

  6. MadBrad says:

    The Difference Between Marine Officers And NCO’s:

    A young Marine officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears which were amputated. Since his hearing wasn’t impaired he remained in the Marine Corps. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of major general. He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance.

    One day the general was interviewing three Marines, prospects for his headquarters staff.

    The first was an aviator captain, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the general asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” The young officer answered, “Why, yes, Sir, I couldn’t help but notice that you have no ears.”
    The general got very angry at his lack of tact and threw him out.

    The second interview was with a logistics Lieutenant, and he was even better. The general then asked him the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” He replied sheepishly, “Well, Sir, you have no ears.” The general, now really pissed, threw him out also.

    The third interview was with a Marine gunnery sergeant, an infantryman and Staff NCO. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined. The general wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

    To his surprise the sergeant said, “Yes, Sir, you wear contact lenses.”

    The general was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant NCO, and he didn’t mention my ears. “And how do you know that I wear contacts?” the General asked.

    “Well, Sir,” the gunny replied, “It’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no fucking’ ears!

  7. R.D. Walker says:

    TV Sorceresses…

    Who is hotter? Bewitched or I Dream of Jeanie? (Elizabeth Montgomery or Barbara Eden?)

    Not as easy as you might think….

    Tough call….

  8. James says:

    One of them’s dead.

  9. James says:

    Girlfriend, her daughter, daughter’s husband and I went to a diner on Route 66 near Kingman.

    I bought a glow-in-the-dark rubber from the machine in their restroom and set it on our table for a laugh.
    Waitress didn’t laugh.

  10. Nobody says:

    Are we asking about the fictional character or the actress. If it’s the character, then definitely Jeannie – she doesn’t come with the psycho Mother-In-Law issues, plus I think she would be more fun. If it’s the actress, that’s a toss-up.

  11. slaphappypap says:

    Brad- Dammit! I was looking for another one of your great stories! I opened the laptop after a few beers with my friends and some bocce ball. I was hoping for a great story. Time to go to bed.

  12. Bman says:

    I would take Jeannie cause she would call me Master. Samantha would just call me…Bman.

  13. jacksonsdad says:

    They both had those naughty brunette (equally hot) sisters.

    Correction, Serena was Samanthas’ cousin I think…

    Barbara Eden smokin’ hot…

    But why choose?? Damn I luvs me some youtube….

    You can thank me later.

  14. R.D. Walker says:

    Dick Sargent?

    Dick York?

    Sergeant York?

    Merely coincidence?

  15. slaphappypap says:

    Good Shooting here from Alvin C. York.

  16. sortahwitte says:

    Barbara Eden. Hotter by a mile. I lusted after her 40 years ago and still do. Nothing like a genie costume.

  17. MadBrad says:

    Working on it Pap. I’m down for Barbara Eden. I like being called “Master”.

  18. Locke n Load says:

    Unfortunate Business Name # 2,454

    I about fell out of my seat laughing when I passed this place yesterday. No women were seen loitering nearby

  19. jacksonsdad says:

    Unfortunate Product Name #378

    Even More Unfortunate Product Name #379

  20. Locke n Load says:

    Hmmm. ok, say the regulars from all gather for a ‘hunt’. Some bring their / while others have

    Who’s gonna need the ?

  21. vanagram says:

    Thought for the day: Can you imagine in 2010 naming the main character of kids TV program “Beaver Cleaver”?

  22. Locke n Load says:

    ha! no, but along those lines i AM surprised the Gay Blade hasnt found his way back to cable at least…

  23. jacksonsdad says:

    Just imagine enjoying a fag with your hunting buddies from cocksunlimited….

  24. Locke n Load says:

    I wonder if they go as far as Intercourse,Pa for their outings?

  25. Locke n Load says:

    Then again, they could give a call, i understand Ohio is big in this…

  26. Locke n Load says:

    Itinerary update: after Intercourse,Pa the boys at Cocks Unlimited have chosen to bypass Pergatory,Me completely and hope to get everyone onboard for Hell,Mi trip as soon as possible.

  27. Jim22 says:

    Barbara Eden.

    There is only one who comes close and it’s not Elizabeth Montgomery: Barbara Feldon, Agent 99 on ‘Get Smart’.

  28. MadBrad says:

    George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

    While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

    Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

    Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

    Fi nally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

    When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

    The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

  29. MadBrad says:

    WTF is wrong with this world? I read shit like this and it makes me want to scream… LOUDER! No, I am not screaming at the Czechs who think this is stupid.

    Czechs oppose plans for Michael Jackson statue

    June 29, 2010, 7:51 AM EST
    PRAGUE (AP) — Thousands of Czechs are protesting plans to place a Michael Jackson statue in Prague.

    A group of fans plans to erect a 6-foot column with a bronze bust of the King of Pop in Letna Park, where Jackson held a concert in 1996. They want to unveil it Aug. 29 to mark Jackson’s 52nd birthday.

  30. R.D. Walker says:

  31. slaphappypap says:

    That must be my cat. When a moth comes into the house. He just watches it. No hunting skills whatsoever.

  32. MadBrad says:

    I can’t decide if I want to grow up to be this guy or not…

  33. MadBrad says:

    John was in the egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets’, and ten roosters to fertilize them. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

    This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

    John’s favorite rooster, Obama, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed Obma’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

    To John’s amazement, Obama had thought of a way to do it without work, he had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

    John was so proud of Obama, he entered him in the Chicago (Cook) County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded Obama the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

    Clearly Obama was a politician. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

    Vote carefully, you can’t always hear the bells!

  34. slaphappypap says:

    If an employee can wear an Obama shirt with John McCain getting knocked out by Obama at work. Does this mean I get to wear future political shirts?

  35. sortahwitte says:

    The next person to call michael jackson the “king of pop” within striking distance of me, will receive something special. I will personally deliver to the nose of said offender,all four knuckles of my right hand. They are large and mostly made up of scar tissue. One of my rules to live by include #16. Some people just need their nose broke.

  36. BrunDawg says:

    The border wall is a failure. Millions of taxpayer dollars wasted by Bush.
    “’A (multimillion-dollar) wall didn’t stop bullets,’ Wilson said, referring to the border fence built during the Bush administration.”

    On the other hand; “So far this year, El Paso has recorded one homicide, compared to more than 1,300 killings in Juarez.”

    Not too long ago; “The mayors of the Texan city of El Paso and the Mexican city of Juarez led a protest by dozens of people on Saturday against a planned border wall to stem illegal immigration into America.”

  37. R.D. Walker says:

    The meaning of life. Don’t deny it.

  38. Bman says:

    Lot of truth in that video. However, there is one thing I would like to point out. A newly wed or engaged couple will immediately purchase a dog or two before they have kids. Then they will send everyone they know a Christmas card photo with the two of them and their dog(s). That is one of my biggest pet peeves; people sending me family photos and acting like their dog is “one of them.” Grow the hell up.

  39. BrunDawg says:

    Firefighters demoted for not speaking Spanish:

  40. BrunDawg says:

    0bama just said that there are 11 million illegal immigrants as a result of overstaying their Visas. We issue 11 million visas?

  41. Bman says:

    Yea right. There are more than 11 million illegals anyway. Several years ago, they claimed there were 15-20 million. Then it was 12-15 million, now they are saying around 11 million. Just before they pass amnesty, they will claim there are 8 million illegals or even a lower number.

  42. Bman says:

    Freedom of worship Vs. Freedom of Religion

  43. SemperFi says:

    You are partially correct. They will state as they pass the Amnesty bill that there are only 5 million illegals and they are all currently working and paying the unemployment taxes that is going to the unemployed Americans who don’t want to do the work that they are doing for them.

    If you can see the end of the circle you are way too far gone…

    Semper Fi

  44. sortahwitte says:

    re: I’ll guess you’ll do.

    Am I the only one to find that completely depressing?

  45. notamobster says:

    Barbarab Eden! (Sure both have magic, but Eden HAS to give you what you ask for!)

    30 million illegals. 10 million of whom have overstayed their visas – that’s my guess.

    Marriage video? Ugh!

    Condom with a hole in it? Isn’t that a metaphor for government protection?

  46. Locke n Load says:

    lol, wb nota. get many whitetail?
    I loved that vid RD, avg IS depressing Sorta unless you are the one imparting meaning 😉

  47. MadBrad says:

    Ladies, no need to take life sitting down. Stand up and be counted…

  48. MadBrad says:

    A message to all my Ladies out there this weekend, wherever you may be…

    Love On Command

  49. Bman says:

    I just saw a TV add for Miller High Life Beer. For each bottle cap or can top returned, Miller will donate 10c to veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan. Looks like I will be giving up Pabst for a while….

    Just a heads up fo thoes who havent seen it

  50. R.D. Walker says:

    If this clown ever sees a solar eclipse he is going to have a massive brain aneurysm.

  51. Jim22 says:

    Just a ‘Stoney Three Hits Longer’.

    I couldn’t watch the whole thing.

    Anybody else ever see a rainbow from the air? Makes a full circle if the earth doesn’t get in the way.

  52. MadBrad says:

    In spite of my absence this weekend, know that the Ghetto Cam is hard at work capturing images of July 4th.