Off Topic

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64 Responses to Off Topic

  1. Bman says:

    We’re sports announcers ma’am. Not gynecologists

  2. Treber Snoyl says:

    Oh, that reminds me…how do you think the Beavers will do this year?

  3. Air Force Brat says:

    What’s a girl gotta do to get a little attention around here???

  4. R.D. Walker says:

    Locke n Load, this is for you. Be careful at the Gregson St RR trestle in Durham, NC.

  5. sortahwitte says:

    There is a low underpass in my town also. And it usually runs one crash per month. A lot of money has been spent on warning signs and flashing yellow lights starting 1/2 mile away. It seems to be like moths to a flame. They can’t seem to stay away.

  6. Bman says:

    We have a small Somalian population in our town here in ND. Frankly, I have no idea why they are here. It certainly isn’t for freedom and a better way of life.

    I saw my first burka last night. Yes. Right here in River City. Right there inside Walmart. A real, honest to goodness, all black, face covering, eye slitted burka. I was honestly shocked.

  7. notamobster says:

    as to the picture: It’s either a v for victory or she’s making herself into a Masonic emblem.

    BMAN: The burka takes some getting used to. Champions of women’s equality that muslims are, I’d expect to see more of them as time goes on.

  8. Bman says:

    Well, im affraid the burka isnt just going to immigrate here, but rather colonize instead. I cant believe it.

  9. R.D. Walker says:

    Bman, you have inspired me to make a NSFW Photoshop. Click to enlarge.

    Hey, to me it is art.

  10. Bman says:

    What RD? I just see a bunch of burkas….OH WAIT! One of the burka ladies has glasses! Hysterical!!

  11. Bman says:

    The style of burka worn by the person in walmart was a different style than the ones shown above. It was all black, and just had a slit over the eyes. Wonder if she was hot?

    What would be the point for a person getting their picture taken in a burka. Can you imagine a group photo at an islamic family reunion?

    “I think thats aunt Margie…no wait…thats Ester…on second thought, I think that is me….”

  12. Bman says:

    What a damn good disguise to rob a bank in, eh?

  13. Van-a-gram says:

    RD:

    RULE VIOLATION! RULE VIOLATION!

    Rule One: No inciting violence

    Rule Two: No racial or comparably derogatory comments.

    Rule Three: No nudity (I always hated this rule).

    Rule Four: I always forget rule four….

    I say we dispense with Rule 3 altogether now that you have dipped you toe in that pond, Blog Master. And, you would not believe what some us consider “art”….

    Would you like me to post an example? :-)

  14. slinger says:

    Van, one boob is considered “art” … two or more is right out.

  15. sortahwitte says:

    When I go into my credit union, there is a big sign.
    No sunglasses. No hats. No heavy coats.
    How would they handle a burkette?

  16. R. D. Walker says:

    Van: Okay that is one rule violation against me. I still have about 40 to catch up with you.

    On the other hand, I went to the trouble of getting an official rules variance from the Web Master. Isn’t that right Web Master?

    Yes, that is right.

    It was easy.

  17. Van-a-gram says:

    RD:

    I see you are using the same argument employed by my 11 year old: ” Ok, I did it, but all of my friends do it a lot more than I do!”

    Apparently, this argument works better in the House of Revo than Vanagram’s Hall of Justice, so I’ll give you the same speech: “Just because your friends are doing it RD, doesn’t mean you should.”

    Oh, and 40 wrongs don’t make a…..right, or a better wrong. Or a justified wrong. Or whatever.

    Lastly, I have found that asking for forgiveness is easier than asking permission. If I lose the keys to the executive Revo washroom, so be it. I’ll pee off the deck.

    I’m looking up some “art” to post tomorrow….

    And, BTW, what the hell is rule 4 again? I’ll be going for a trifecta now that we’re down to only three rules…

  18. R.D. Walker says:

    Trying to follow your metaphor there, Van.

    Since I am, on this forum, the authority that is roughly equivalent to “dad,” I am guessing that your original post accusing me of violating the rules was an attempt at justification for your past rules violations. In other words, you are the 11 year old girl saying, “See, other people do it!” So be it.

    Daddies have different rules than little girls. Now run along and play. The grown ups are talking.

  19. Van-a-gram says:

    Hmmmm. Let me think. Where have I heard someone taking this kind of stance before? Right on the tip of my tongue….can’t place it. Let’s see what we have here:

    A very elitist attitude that the rules that should apply to the general population should not necessarily apply to him. Check.

    A hypocritical contradiction between speech and deed. Check.

    An arrogance that others need to be ‘parented’ like children, and that he alone is capable of doing this effectively. Check.

    Now who the hell does this remind me of? Searching….searching…..

    Ahhhh. Found it:

    RD = Barrack Obama.

  20. R.D. Walker says:

    Yeah, I hate to have to do it but it is necessary. See, the baring of a single breast in a non sexual context for political commentary can be relevant, symbolic or even artistic. You will often see the symbol of blind justice portrayed with the breast on the bow arm side bared. The Civil War era Soldiers and Sailors Monument on the Iowa State Capitol grounds includes a statue with both breasts bared as a symbol of the bounty of the state.

    None of this is intended to be titillating in the way the “Slutty Asian Chicks-with-Dicks Facials” fare that I know you are fond of.

    Sorry, until you Philistines get cultured and can tell the difference, Rule #3 stands.

  21. Bman says:

    If you put on a hundred pounds and a tavern jacket on that statue, it would be more believable that it is in Iowa.

  22. MadBrad says:

    I like the way that statue is cupping the breast and pushing it out there ever so slightly. It’s as if it is saying “Here, check out all this bounty going on”.

  23. Van-a-gram says:

    Now, in full disclosure, RD has indeed been to the Hall of Justice, including the inner sanctum of the retreat: He knows the entrance to the Bat Cave.

    His reference to Asians with specific appendages relates only to my ability to be a gracious host:

    You see, while I do not drink Gin personally, I have been known to put it out for my visitors who happen to enjoy that particular libation. Similarly, I also know RD’s rather unusual proclivities, thus I felt compelled to make him feel at home with his reading material of choice.

  24. R.D. Walker says:

    That is “Mother Iowa” and the monument was designed by Harriet Ketcham: The aunt of Hank Ketcham who was the creator of Dennis the Menace.

    http://www.iowacivilwarmonuments.com/cgi-bin/gaarddetails.pl?1210273429~2

  25. R.D. Walker says:

    Bman, your observation is astute but, as I have pointed out before, people who live in NoDak shouldn’t cast about accusations of chicks being fat bar flies. Nuff said.

  26. Bman says:

    The statue I mentioned would be very similar to said statue here. The only difference is that it would be quite obvious that NoDak has a much better dental plan.

    • R.D. Walker says:

      Bman: It would also have erect nipples three weeks earlier each fall and three weeks later each spring.

  27. Bman says:

    True RD. Also, there would be approx. 6 more weeks of shrinkage. Don’t forget about that.

  28. MadBrad says:

    You folks in the Midwest and Northern Midwest REALLY know how to conduct an argument. I’m having a hard time determining if anyone is actually pissed off. I’ve only seen this phenomenon previously in British Comedy.

  29. notamobster says:

    Best argument ever…

  30. MadBrad says:

    True. It’s an endurance game for them and they want to out-smarty-pants each other. When RD and I go at it there is just the usual throwdown of profanity and threats. Then things just “disappear”. It keeps people on the edge of their seat though, especially the ones who come in after the deletions. They make sure not to miss the next one.

  31. slinger says:

    Dude, the “bounty of the state” is hawt!

  32. Slaphappypap says:

    That was fantastic. Any chance we’ll see RD and Van on The O’Douche Bag Factor and tear each other and Little Billy to pieces??

  33. Locke n Load says:

    Damn, looks I missed a little pissing match on my weeklong family sabatical. You guys are SO midwestern polite :) No wonder ya’ll look sideways at Chicagoans..

    BTW, that underpass video is hilarious. Considering it was mostly rented box trailers I’m not surprised at the frequecy of incidents. We “professionals” try and keep an eye out for warning signs long before the low bridges take a bite out of our 25K vans but hey, I still see ‘em all the time in the junkyards, tops peeled like sardine cans.

    This is what I woke up to staring in my window this morning. Sep 11, heavy artillery…quite cool. When he left a flatbed with armored vehicles pulled right in. Must have something to do with being in Newton Ks, eh?

    Ever wonder how big those wind turbine blades are while you’re looking at them in the distance?

  34. Bman says:

    They make thoes blades here.

  35. MadBrad says:

    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.” We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.” Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

    A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath. “I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

  36. sortahwitte says:

    I don’t care who you are, that’s funny. After I got over the cringing.

  37. Bman says:

    So Ole and Sven were out hunting one day. Nothing was flying and nothing was running and they were getting quite bored. Ole speaks up with an idea to cure their boredom.

    “Say Sven? Would you like to play a game? Its called 20 questions”

    “Sure Ole! That sounds like fun! But I dont know how to play”

    “Well, you think of a vord, and I get 20 guesses to the vord youre thinkin’ of”

    “Oh sure, Ole. Ive played this before.”

    So Sven is trying to think of a word, when the only thing that comes to his mind is moosecock.

    “Ok Ole. I’m ready.”

    “Well, can you eat it?” asked Ole.

    “Well, ya. I guess so” replied Sven.

    “Is it moosecock?”

  38. R.D. Walker says:

    Bman: Best. Joke. Ever.

    I have been telling that joke, complete with Minnesota accent, for 20 years. The only difference is that I say “moose dick” and I say that after hunting they are hanging out in a bar in Hibbing.

  39. R.D. Walker says:

    Another time Ole and Sven were hunting up in the Iron Range. Pretty soon they come across an old vertical mine. Ole says, “Let’s see how deep it is, eh?”

    So they look around and find a hunk of iron ore and toss it in and listen for it to hit bottom. They don’t hear a sound. Sven says, Vell, ve are going to haf to find somthin’ bigger den.”

    They look around and pretty soon they find an old engine block on the edge of a clearing. They each grab an end and heft it over to the mine and toss it in.

    Before they can do anything, a billy goat comes running full speed up to the mine shaft and, without slowing a bit, leaps into the shaft and disappears into the darkness.

    Ole and Sven are standing their dumbstruck until a farmer comes up and asks, “Have either of you two seen an old billy goat hereabouts?”

    Sven says, “Vell, you ain’t gonna believe it, ya know, but that goat just leaped down this shaft, by jiminy!”

    The farmer says, “Damn right I don’t believe it. I had that goat tied up to an old engine block!”

  40. Bman says:

    RD- It’s one of my all-time favorites. Any Ole and Lena joke is a classic. I feel sorry for anyone outside of the northern midwest who is not acquainted with them. All you southerners are missin out; Ole and Lena jokes and tater-tot hotdish. Two staples up here in the upper midwest.

  41. R.D. Walker says:

    Another time Ole was working at the pickle cannery in Blue Earth. He started developing a weird compulsion. He had an uncontrollable urge to stick his dick in the pickle slicer.

    He came home and confided his compulsion to Lena and she was appalled. She sent him right over to Rochester to see a psychologist.

    After a while, the doctor declared that Ole was cured and he went back to Blue Earth and to work at the pickle cannery.

    After a couple weeks on the job he cam home early from work one day. He was pale and looked sick. Lena said, “Oh no, gosh darn it, you didn’t…”

    Ole said, “Yeah, I did it, eh? I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer.”

    Lena said, “Oh my! Vat happened?”

    Ole said, “Vell, she and I both got fired, ya know.”

  42. Bman says:

    So, Ole and Lena were walking home from the bar one night, both drunker than a Norweign on payday. As they were walking in the clear, moonlit night, Lena urgently breaks the silence.

    “Ole! I have to poo!”

    “Oh Leeeena. Can’t ya vait till we git home?”

    “No Ole! I have to poo now!”

    At this time, they were crossing a bridge over a calm river.

    “Well den Leeeena. Just plop your fat ass over da rail on dis here bride and poo into da river, ya. I’ll watch for passersby.”

    So Lena pulled down her drawers and hung her ass over the bridge railing, trying to do her business.

    “Oh Ole! I can’t poo here! Ders a man in a canoe right below me!”

    Ole looked down into the river.

    “Oh Leeena Leeeena! Dat is no man in a canoe! Dat is jist your reflextion!”

  43. R.D. Walker says:

    On a related note, don’t you just love Edie McClurg?

  44. notamobster says:

    In the U.P. the predominant heritage is Finnish, so the subjects become Ano & Toivo. In Louisiana they become coon-asses named Boudreaux & Thibodeau.

    Tater-tot hotdish ROCKS!!!!!

  45. R.D. Walker says:

    How about a little lutefisk and wild rice stuffing? I threw some lutefisk out the back door once and the raccoons ran away. Now I have a family from Bemidji living under the porch.

  46. Bman says:

    I agree Nota. Im quite the connoisseur of tater-tot hotdish. Someday im going to try and make it on the grill for shits and giggles. When I was in the UP, I had, i think it was called, a pasti? Hotdish in a piecrust if I remember right.

  47. notamobster says:

    Ano, and Toivo went fishing one bright sunny day and were catching fish like crazy.

    Ano said, “We better mark this spot so we can come back and catch more fish.”

    Toivo then proceeded to mark the bottom of the boat with a large X.

    Ano asked him what he was doing, and Toivo told him he was marking the spot so they could come back tomorrow to catch more fish.

    Ano said, ” You big dummy, how do you know we are going to get the same boat tomorrow?”

  48. R.D. Walker says:

    Bman, if you haven’t seen Drop Dead Gorgeous, you should.

  49. R.D. Walker says:

    She is so Minnesota that I can’t believe she is from Kansas City. Every role she plays just cracks me up.

  50. notamobster says:

    pasties are the shit, too!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pasty

    traditional pasties use cubed rutabaga, shredded carrot, and shredded meat in a closed pastry crust. Miners would sew pockets in their coveralls and put one in for lunch, back in the day. Their bodyheat would keep it kinda warm until lunch.

  51. notamobster says:

    British teen banned from U.S. for life for calling Dear Leader a “prick” in a drunken email to the White House.

    He IS a PRICK!

    http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/09/13/british-teen-banned-life-sending-obscene-e-mail-obama/?test=latestnews

    (I understand that security protocols are neccessary. It just struck me as dumb)

  52. R.D. Walker says:

    Banned for life for calling him a prick, huh? Hmmmmmmm….

    Hey Barry, I heard that all the illegal aliens called you a prick.

  53. Locke n Load says:

    Hey Brad, clear monday night on your schedule, I’m buyin you dinner :)

  54. Bman says:

    Quick question: Is the Revo pronounced “reevo” or is is pronounce as it’s spelled, as in reving an engine….

  55. R.D. Walker says:

    Brad and I named it after what the Grenadians called their Marxist revolution. They called it the Revo and we decided that we have the Real Revo.

    To answer your question, Grenadians pronounce it like the beginning of the word “revolution.” Therefore, your latter pronunciation is the most correct. “Rēv-oh”

  56. Bman says:

    Shit. I’ve been calling it the Reevo. Sorry. I figured that, even though Grenadians speak english, they would have spanish like accents. I was totaly thinking they were saying, “Reevolution! Reevolution!”

    May I still call it the Real Re”e”vo?

  57. R.D. Walker says:

    Brother-man, your regular status in good standing has earned you the right to call it whatever you want!

  58. Bman says:

    Much obliged my good Sir.

  59. R.D. Walker says:

    Here is what Grenadians sound like…