Off Topic

This off topic thread brought to you by the sexiest vice-presidential candidate since Garret Hobart.

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109 Responses to Off Topic

  1. notamobster says:

    MMMMMMM HMMMMMM….that’s what I’m talkin bout!

  2. R.D. Walker says:

    Question: Should I be drunk blogging the SOTU dog and pony show tonight?

  3. TN_Cat says:

    He’ll yeah. I am taking a drink every time the idiot says “I” or “me”.

  4. notamobster says:

    I have to be up at 0500, so no drinky-drinky for me. You, however should feel free to blog away, Sir.

  5. Bman says:

    Hey brad- Thanks for the post on the previous off topic. It really helped. However, it was this line that made all the difference-

    “Women are like boogers; you can always pick another one”

    I’m still cracking up and that was 20 minutes ago since I read that. I’m cured.

  6. Uke says:

    “He’ll yeah. I am taking a drink every time the idiot says “I” or “me”.”

    Dear Christ…
    Someone call 9-1-1.

  7. Bman says:

    * TN-Cat is getting his stomach pumped at the hospital. Apparently, he ran out of beer and had to resort to rubbing alcohol from his medicine cabinet. Got to give it to him though, he is a man of his word.

    *This is just speculation and should not be taken seriously.

  8. Bman says:

    10 Things Men Know About Women

    1.______________
    2.______________
    3.______________
    4.______________
    5.______________
    6.______________
    7.______________
    8.______________
    9.______________
    10. Women have boobs

  9. MadBrad says:

    BMan, I would give you the entire background of the individual who introduced that love advice to me, as well as the surroundings at the time it was given to me but I think that story should be reserved for a Valentines Day publication.

  10. BrunDawg says:

    Not to be off topic but.
    Remember Space Food Sticks?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPZ8HHRR1A0
    They are for sale on Amazon.
    Sorry. Must have been a Sputnik moment.
    FYI – after Sputnik 19, 20, 21, 22, 24 and 25 failed the mission names were changed to Cosmos.

  11. BrunDawg says:

    I vividly remember coming home from swim practice, eating three boxes of Space Food Sticks in the span of one episode of Gilligan’s Island. Mom wasn’t too happy seeing a month supply reduced to a pile of wrappers. Me? Let’s just say I was stuck on the launch pad for days.

  12. R.D. Walker says:

    “Let’s just say I was stuck on the launch pad for days.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

  13. R.D. Walker says:

    The other night during my drunk blog of the SOTU, I asked what the hell “win the future” means. Obama said it over and over. I just figured it out.

    Win The Future = WTF

  14. BrunDawg says:

    “This year, 333 schools across Illinois, about 85 percent of them in Chicago, dished up dinner with help from a federal initiative that targets low-income students in an effort to narrow the nutrition gap.”
    “Federal officials plan to expand school dinners as part of the reauthorized Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. Championed by the first lady, the law extends to all states the federal reimbursement for school suppers, a program initially limited to Illinois, 12 other states and the District of Columbia.”
    http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/news/local/ct-met-school-dinners-20110126,0,1139464.story

  15. Bman says:

    Hunger-Free Kids Act? These families arent getting enough in food stamps to feed their own kids?

    Hunger-Free Kids Act my eye. More like Hot Eats For Deadbeats

  16. vanagram says:

    $10 bucks says you don’t even have to be enrolled in school to get it…..

  17. vanagram says:

    I should go to Vegas re: above comment — I’d be $10 richer…

    Q: “Can homeless, runaway and migrant children get free meals?
    A: If your children have not been informed that they will get free meals, you must call your school’s homeless liaison or migrant coordinator.” TRANSLATE: “YES”

    And, of course, this gem:

    Q: “May you apply if someone in your household is not a U. S. citizen?
    A: Yes. You or your children do not have to be U. S. citizens to qualify for free or reduced price meals.”

    TRANSLATE: “We feed the law abiding and criminal alike. C’mon over and get some grub! And bring your 14 illegal and illegitimate kids, too!”

    I wonder why illegal people keep coming over here? For the life of me, I can’t figure it out.

    http://www.tn.gov/helpforfamilies/Facts-FreeMeals.pdf

  18. Bman says:

    I didn’t see anything about age to qualify for Hot Eats. They do keep saying, “children” though, which leads me to believe that everybody under 26 qualifies.

  19. notamobster says:

    Has anyone ever read “Plenty of Nothing” by thomas palley? He argues for structural Keynesianism… I know it’s not the typical fare of Revo readers, but I often read those I disagree with to know how they think. Anyone?

    If so, give me the lowdown, so I don’t have to get heartburn…please.

  20. notamobster says:

    I HATE UNIONS!!! I got my peepee slapped for helping the hourly folks today. There were some (trash – used) packing materials stacking up near one of the production lines, so I policed the area and put the boxes in the compactor… (2 minutes worth of “shit-to-be-done-so-I-did-it” work). One of my “workers” went to the other production foreman (my counterpart)and threatened a grievance if I do their work again. I found out who it was. When the inevitable work-stoppage came 10 minutes before the end of shift, I made her take the trash to the compactor. She was pissed, but I was within the “union rules”…. fack!!!! I hate unions.

  21. R.D. Walker says:

    Yep, Nota, I once attended a trade show in McCormick Place in Chicago were I was threatened to be ejected because I carried in a box of promotional materials myself. I was supposed to use union staff. When I went to get the rest of the materials (about two trips worth) I couldn’t find a union laborer for two hours.

  22. TN_Cat says:

    RD
    McCormick place only costs a 20 dollar kick back at set up time to be first in line on tear down. You just need to know who to pay off.

  23. TN_Cat says:

    A 100 bucks they turn a blind eye from set up to tear down.

  24. R.D. Walker says:

    Yeah, my problem was I couldn’t figure out which palm to grease. Just a naive rube from Iowa, you know.

  25. TN_Cat says:

    It is always the fat guy at the podium by the loading dock door. Only cash of course but staple your business card with your booth number over Ben franklins picture. I take it you’re not Italian.

  26. R.D. Walker says:

    “I take it you’re not Italian.”

    Nope, I am Iowan.

  27. TN_Cat says:

    Gotcha
    You might want to take an “interpreter” on your next trip to Chi town.
    Your funny RD.

  28. R.D. Walker says:

    People you don’t fuck with: Exhibit #1

  29. notamobster says:

    “They may have feared that more of my army friends were traveling with me and fled after fighting me for around 20 minutes,” he explained.

    Ummmm….yeah. It wasn’t your friends they were afraid of, dude.

    Gen.U.Ine. Badass!

    “Because a big guy with a small knife and a scowl is nothing compared to a little man with a big knife and a big smile.” ~demotivational poster

  30. notamobster says:

    I decided to celebrate the end of my greuling first week as a production foreman. I stopped at the grocery store and bought a 12 year old Glenfiddich (they didn’t sell Glenlivet). I just poured my first glass with an ice cube. My memories of Glenfiddich were not great, but I must say (now that I don’t smoke anymore) my memory was wrong. This is a surprisingly good whiskey. It’s light and fruity without being girly. I am very pleased, though I’m certain to be much more pleased in about an hour :-)

    They haven’t converted me, but I felt it neccessary to give them their due respect.

  31. notamobster says:

    As with all whiskey, the second glass is even better.

  32. TN_Cat says:

    Now that you have the first week under your belt, how do you like the new job?

  33. Air Force Brat says:

    Nota, that is awesome about the job. Knew you would survive. Whiskey, however? Well, all I’ll say is that you’re braver than I am. Of course, my ambivalence toward whiskey could have something to do with the fact that the memory of my last go-round with whiskey is inextricably linked to a horrible Hungarian pervert who tried his level best to have his repulsive way with me, and thought getting me paralytically drunk would do the trick. Did you know that being puked on — TWICE — has no deterrent effect on some people? Well, now you know.

  34. R.D. Walker says:

    You are going to have to find a way to suppress your aversion to whiskey prior to Memphis, AFB. The amber current will flow freely.

  35. R.D. Walker says:

    Not to worry, though, I am not Hungarian. I am Iowan.

  36. notamobster says:

    Turns out 3, 4, and 5 are all pretty good, too!

    TN, It’s alot to learn. I see lots of room for improvement which will improve my already considerable career capital. So that’s a plus. I fucking hate unions and the way they make people lazier than a pet coon.

    I have lots of room to move up and I like a challenge of turning things around and whipping slackers into shape…I just don’t like walking into an ambush. I guess I’d say that I’m ambivalent to it, thus far.

  37. notamobster says:

    I was a technician and technical manager for 14 years (my entire adult life), as you know. Moving into manufacturing is just different. I found out today what actually happened with my job classification.

    Maintenance was hiring me to turn around their off-shifts.

    They just hired a new director whose background is process improvement and waste reduction. When he saw my background in process improvement and waste reduction (CQI, HPW, six-sigma, leading high-performance teams, yada, yada, yada….) he wanted me to run his second shift.

    When plant management saw my resume and heard folks talking about me, they co-opted me for production. Maintenance was pissed, to say the least. I heard rumor from the molding super, that I would be going to maintenance eventually, so being the direct man that I am, I asked the director of maintenance. He said that I will be going to maintenance in a month or two. The plant wants me experienced enough to run things in production, but they need to turn around the maintenance department even more. I’m on a 6 month contract right now.

    Something tells me that my price tag just went up…. I’m just sayin…

  38. R.D. Walker says:

    The spoils go to the bold.

  39. notamobster says:

    Bold has always worked out well for me, Sir.

  40. R.D. Walker says:

    Me too bro, me too.

  41. TN_Cat says:

    Good for you Noda. Keep it going.

  42. R.D. Walker says:

    I still like her.

  43. Air Force Brat says:

    R.D. — not Hungarian? THANK GOD! :D

    Nota — I foresee many fortuitous things and events coming your way. Like I told you before, good things happen to good people.

  44. Air Force Brat says:

    Not to belabor the anti-Hungarian angle too much, but ever since I was a kid, any time I took an instantaneous hatred to someone, after a little investigation it always turned out that that person’s national origins were — well, you get the picture. Weird.

  45. notamobster says:

    When I was younger I went through a relatively long streak of instantaneous hatred coitus relationships, whereby I met broads that I instantly hated because they were liberals or know-it-alls (I repeat myself) and we ended up sharing a bed (or staircase, closet, car, picnic table, playground, etc).

    The best revenge. There was one such instantaneous hatred in Turkey. She was a supply troop. We got into screaming matches because she always wanted to push her thoughts on people, and I am not one to bite my tongue… (hard to believe, I know) long-story-short: she was in love (before, not after…).

    Got me into some trouble at the squadron level.

    How was I supposed to know she was engaging in some 3rd grade mating ritual?

  46. notamobster says:

    RD – that video is awesome.

    She’s kinda hot, in a “wow-I’m-stupid, leave-me-where-you-found-me-and-never-think-of-me-again” sort of way.

  47. R.D. Walker says:

    First we got Tang. Now we get yet another great consumer product resulting from research associated with the space program.

  48. notamobster says:

    J-sus man… the f-king poo-trap?

    I met some guys in the desert who wanted to put their sack on a dogs pooper…. (sorry)

    That’s just awful.

  49. Slaphappypap says:

    I hope Al-Qaeda doesn’t watch that advertisement. They might think they’ll win.

  50. notamobster says:

    I’ve been looking for hours. There is NOTHING out there to report on. What an incredibly slow weekend. Sorry, guys… it just ain’t there to be had.

  51. TN_Cat says:

    Sounds like your bored. That was a great post on choosing the president. Based on those results, maybe the Revo can start something on how to recruit the man.

  52. notamobster says:

    I don’t think folks realize just how much time and effort we put into keeping this place lively. This is a normal occurrence, only today, there is absoltely nothing to write about or post. I will post a couple more candidates for the presidential debates tonight. Hope they get more response.

  53. TN_Cat says:

    I can imagine the work that goes into it. This is by far my favorite site. The writers and the others seem to be the most informed, logical and responsible group out there. Great job!

  54. Locke n Load says:

    Not to take away from the fine young radicals over in Egypt but Albania is getting antsy too. For those who need a refresher on Albania…

  55. MadBrad says:

    Obviously I’ve missed WAY too much since the last episode.

  56. R.D. Walker says:

    Well Revoistas, I will be scarce for a couple of days. I will be subjecting myself to the TSA grope and heading off to the East Coast Monday and Tuesday. I will be checking in, but will be busy. Also, the snowstorm coming will probably strand me somewhere.

  57. Air Force Brat says:

    Good luck to you, R.D. If you have to be groped, at least let it be by someone who doesn’t look like King Kong in a bra.

  58. R.D. Walker says:

    Nah, I always get the King Kong in bra… and boy does he stink.

  59. notamobster says:

    Good luck. Have *fun*. I’ll schedule the night before to keep her loaded up around here.

  60. MadBrad says:

    Have a safe trip.

  61. R.D. Walker says:

    I have a flight though Chicago Tuesday night. I am so screwed.

    THE STORM SYSTEM WILL BE AFFECTING A LARGE PORTION OF THE SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES…MIDWEST AND OHIO VALLEY REGIONS. ANYONE WITH TRAVEL PLANS TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY…INCLUDING THOSE TRAVELING THROUGH CHICAGO OHARE AND MIDWAY AIRPORTS…SHOULD CONTINUE TO MONITOR LATER FORECASTS REGARDING THE DEVELOPMENT OF THIS WINTER STORM..

  62. R.D. Walker says:

    I just reserved a room near O’Hare for Tuesday night. If I get to Chicago, I ain’t gettin’ out.

  63. Locke n Load says:

    Too bad I’ll be running south out of Edmonton Tuesday or I;d make a beeline for Chicago. Scotch in a blizzard, good times

  64. R.D. Walker says:

    Hell, that would make me go from dreading it to looking forward to it.

  65. Locke n Load says:

    Well if it looks like you’re stuck for 2 days let me know ASAP. I’m hunting for loads out of Canada tomorrow morning :)

  66. notamobster says:

    Hook up with Slap and BrunDawg if you’re stuck in Chi-Town. That’d promise to be good times.

  67. BrunDawg says:

    Headlines are a little gloomy. Forecast: ‘Potentially life-threatening’ blizzard. and
    Massive snowstorm headed for Chicago.
    Getting in will be a problem but if you make it this far and need the St. Bernard and whiskey barrel, we can arrange that.

  68. R.D. Walker says:

    Well, I made it to DC. I changed my flight to come home on Wednesday morning through Dallas rather than Tuesday night through Chicago. Don’t know if it will be any better but it cannot be any worse.

    It does, however, rule out the Slap-Brun blizzard party. :-(

  69. Locke n Load says:

    Well now THAT could have been intersting. Roy and my neck of the woods..
    Since you won;t be running that way I booked into Oregon. Slap, BrunD, you guys enjoy that snow ;) I’ve got a good dozen hours of mountain driving to look forward to instead.

  70. R.D. Walker says:

    Reagan Int’l shops are selling a lot of t-shirts, bumper stickers, coffee mugs and such with the image of Dubya and the slogan, “Miss me yet?”

  71. R.D. Walker says:

    Roy is in Colorado.

  72. Locke n Load says:

    Well shit, thats right. Is it Darth Jay that’s in the Dallas area? Wtf is my problem this morning,lol.
    Btw, prolly out of pocket for better part of 2 days as the mountains are pretty demanding…

  73. vanagram says:

    Obamacare unconstitutional so says federal judge in Florida!

  74. sortahwitte says:

    The airways are rampant with hysteria tonight! Death Storm 2011! Snow Apocalypse Now! Run for it Beaver, we’re all gonna die! Mother Gaia: Really Pissed 2011!

    I do know it’s all tied to ratings and advertising revenue, but golly my ears hurt. The only thing that was worth it during the last ice storm, was unintended comedy. An OKC tv personality was on a frozen parking lot walking like a penguin to show how to keep from falling on ice. You guessed it. He fell on his ass.

  75. BrunDawg says:

    Sorta – agreed. The local Chi news is 25 minutes of storm update then they cut to the weather for the last 5 min.
    I wonder how many 911 calls come in because people can’t live in their homes for more than 24 hours.

  76. R. D. Walker says:

    DC has a little ice and the whole region is stressed out.

  77. BrunDawg says:

    Already coined as snowpocalypse and snowmageddon. Governor jumped the gun in declaring Illinois a disaster. IMHO he’s about 10 years too late.

  78. sortahwitte says:

    Down here the anchors always get real serious, lean forward, look into the camera and say: “You need to go to the grocery and clear the shelves because you are sheeple and the media gets a charge out of yanking your chain.” “Oh, and be sure to step on some old people.” Anybody with half a brain is always prepared because we live where ice storms and tornadoes can come in the same week. Each can bring loss of power. As we speak, 4 degrees and gusts to 50mph. Only 12″ of snow. I know it’s not the Dakotas or Iowa or Minnesota, but we make do with what we get.

    • notamobster says:

      Sorta: I live in Michigan, for God’s sake, and they closed the plant I work at down for 24 hrs to prepare for Hurricane “Global Warming”. Ridiculous. These people wouldn’t last 10 minutes in the U.P.

  79. SemperFi says:

    This is to the great universal minds that run this site. What about these new reports about the “all electric cars” in cold weather climates? I am laughing my ass off about the thought of all these ecofreaks driving their Volts in a winter storm and running out of juice about a mile from their homes when the heater they have on high drains their batteries! Don’t they know that is why they don’t sell battery powered heaters bigger than socks and mittens? And have you ever tried wearing those battery packs that they need for those clothing items?

    And what about when the power goes out because a tree knocked over the power pole that goes to your house?

    “Hey, boss, can’t make it to work today because I can’t get my car to charge up!”

  80. R.D. Walker says:

    Just stood.in line for cofee with Tom Coburn in the Russel Senate Office Building.

  81. BrunDawg says:

    Uke, cracked me up. :)
    I’m fixin’ to slap the shit out of a groundhog. Full-on winter here in Chi-burbs-west. I can’t tell if it was a flock of geese or Auntie Em that just flew by my place. Callin’ it a day and cracking a case at 3.

  82. vanagram says:

    ALGORE wants to explain global warming. Again. Apparently, snow is a direct result of man made global warming.

    Here’s what Fat Al-bert Gore has to say about it.

    “increased heavy snowfalls are completely consistent with what [scientists] have been predicting as a consequence of man-made global warming..”

    Al also wanted you to know:

    “Snow has two simple ingredients: cold and moisture. Warmer air collects moisture like a sponge until it hits a patch of cold air. When temperatures dip below freezing, a lot of moisture creates a lot of snow.”

    Thanks for clearing that one up, Al. I bet the people is St. Louis and Chicago were scratching their heads trying figure out why they had so much mysterious white stuff in their yards.

    http://blog.algore.com/2011/02/an_answer_for_bill.html

  83. Air Force Brat says:

    R.D. — did you ask Sen. Coburn what in the hell he was thinking when he went along with the SOTU Kumbyaa Chorus?

  84. Air Force Brat says:

    Shit. I mean “Kumbaya”, not “Kumbyaa”.

  85. notamobster says:

    AFB: You need a new keyboard . . . or to type slower, like me. :-)

  86. sortahwitte says:

    Uke! What a headline! Some people don’t appreciate Okie humor. Do you think he accidentally wrote that? Noooooo, I don’t think so, either.

  87. Slaphappypap says:

    Help!! I’m stuck in the “STORM OF THE CENTURY!!!!!” I saw less dealers on the street on the way home this evening. Weather effects everything.

  88. Uke says:

    “Uke! What a headline! Some people don’t appreciate Okie humor. Do you think he accidentally wrote that? Noooooo, I don’t think so, either.”

    I don’t think it was accidental. But it’s damn funny either way. People need a sense of humor, to laugh every now and then. Even at the silly stuff.

  89. R.D. Walker says:

    Saw Biden’s motorcade yesterday. Do you really think he needs a SUV mounted .50 cal? Who do they think they are going to have to deal with?

  90. sortahwitte says:

    Probably some kumquat that wants to french kiss him.

  91. Air Force Brat says:

    Eeeeew! Thanks a LOT, Sorta! Oh well, I didn’t want to keep my lunch anyway. :D

  92. BrunDawg says:

    RD, while you’re stuck in DC, allow me to do a little concierge work for you.
    Farrah Fawcett’s Red Swimsuit Headed to Smithsonian
    http://www.nbcwashington.com/entertainment/celebrity/Farrah-Fawcetts-Red-Swimsuit-Headed-to-Smithsonian-115098359.html

  93. R.D. Walker says:

    Damn! I was right down there today too, BrunDawg. I may get a second chance. American Airlines just moved me to a 6:00am Friday flight. I am, however, ready to buy a ticket on Delta through Minneapolis if I can get one for tomorrow. More to come.

  94. Bman says:

    You just know right away something is gonna happen to the little kid…

  95. BaconNeggs says:

    I recently commented about the shameless British, who encourage the Nepalese Gurkhas to join and serve Bravely in the British Military alongside fellow British service men, but only at reduced pay and benefits.

    At the end of risking their live for Britain, they are not allowed citizenship and must go back to their home country.

    So imigine my shock yesterday while reading up about the barbaric Japanese Military action in the Philippines, and the brave Filipino people resistance in the hills and forests, to come across a reference to Filipino soldiers being allowed to serve alongside US Military service men but only on reduced pay and benefits much like the Gurkhas.

    Likewise, they must go back home once they have finished serving Uncle Sam.

    I am still scratching my head about this shameful allegation. Can anyone here enlighten me if this is true or not.

  96. R.D. Walker says:

    I gave up on O’Hare and bought a ticket on Delta through Detroit. I am at Reagan National now… waiting. Wish me luck.

  97. slinger says:

    R.D. After 9/11 (ended up having to drive from Orlando, FL to Tucson, AZ), I always take whatever flight I can get to be closer to home … even if I get stuck there. Detroit is closer to home than D.C. is!

  98. R.D. Walker says:

    I just landed at Detroit.

    That is a long haul Slinger. On 9/12/2001 I had to drive from Tulsa back to Iowa.

  99. Locke n Load says:

    Hehehehe

  100. Locke n Load says:

    No marching across runways then?

  101. notamobster says:

    Super-sweet hidden camera prank:

  102. Slaphappypap says:

    Yesterday’s Monster Snowstorm of the Century has caused my place of employment to pay us for not coming in. This is fantastic news.